Carla Morrison on defying cultural expectations, accepting herself

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Mexican singer-songwriter Carla Morrison found commercial and critical success in 2012 when she released her debut album “Déjenme Llorar.” It went platinum in Mexico and she won two Latin Grammys. From there, she started a regular cycle of touring and releasing an album about every two years. Morrison was living her dream. Then in 2017, she took a break from music. 

Off-stage, she was dealing with deep depression and anxiety, much of it stemming from the pressures of being in the spotlight and working so much. Last year, she returned to the stage with her critically-acclimated album “El Renacimiento.” Since then, she’s also released her first song in English called “Everything Was For Love.” 

During Morrison’s five-year break, she and her husband moved to Paris. She says it was the best way to recover from anxiety, panic attacks, and depression — some of it stemming from bullying over her physical appearance. 

“As a Latina, I think you're expected to work. You're told culturally [that] it's very normal to think that success is money, wealth, and working very hard and working all the time,” Morrison tells KCRW. “There was a point where I realized that just making albums, touring, going back to the studio, and then do the same thing all over again — wasn't something that was fulfilling my soul.” 

Morrison says staying in the European city gave her the freedom to be herself.

“Nobody really recognized me there. I could just be Carla and I needed that. I needed to come back to myself and know exactly what I was sacrificing. Honestly the bread, the butter, the croissants, the wine, they just make it so easy.”

She adds, “I even disconnected my Instagram for a year and a half. I didn't post anything. And I didn't tell anyone what I used to do for a living. So a lot of people didn't know I was a singer and I had Grammys and everything for a whole year and a half.” 

“Nobody really recognized me [in Paris]. I could just be Carla and I needed that. I needed to come back to myself and know exactly what I was sacrificing,” says singer-songwriter Carla Morrison. Photo by Estean Calderon.

Her time in Paris also involved studying jazz, particularly the works of Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, and Chet Baker. Morrison says she fell back in love with music, and she took part in jam sessions every few months.

It’s that experience that made her realize she was undergoing her own renacimiento, or renaissance.

“I was collaborating with all these different musicians every week. It made me understand why I love music so much. I think what inspired me to get back to music was a little bit of that too, because for the longest time, I thought music put me in this dark place. It's the music's fault. And then I realized it was me. And music just was love and it was beautiful energy. And so it made me forgive it.” 

Growing love out of friendship

Morrison met her husband, Alejandro Jiménez, 13 years ago when she asked a Facebook community to help her reinstall a music production software called Ableton Live. At the time, she was living in Tecate and he was in Tijuana. From day one, she says they both just clicked. After a few years of friendship, they fell in love. 

“I never really imagined that was gonna happen. And then it happened. And I was like, ‘Oh my God.’ I felt horrible because I was like, ‘This is my friend. I shouldn't fall in love with him.’ And then I did and he told me, ‘Carla, I'd been in love with you all this time.’”

Today, Jiménez is part of Morrison’s band and is a producer on “El Renacimiento.” He’s often an inspiration for her music, and the duo even co-wrote “Contigo” while they were in Paris.  

“I always say he's kind of the mind of it all and I'm the heart. He's the one that calculates everything, and I'm the one that's all emotional and gives the ideas, like we should write about this. So it's beautiful.”

Addressing the roots of her anxiety 

In “Ansiedad,” Morrison writes about her anxiety, which she’s experienced since age 9. The feelings, as she discovered, stemmed from being sexually abused by her cousin. 

“I started to feel like I had this horrible secret, but that I wasn't even aware of. And so I told my parents. Gladly, my parents took care of me and defended me and protected me. But it was something that I didn't know how to understand. And so, for the longest time in my life, I've felt anxious, and I've had to go to therapy and talk about it, and validate my own feelings and my childhood and my traumas.” 

The song, which Morrison wrote in Paris, served as a way to bond with others.

“In Latin culture and Mexican culture, this happens way too many times. And many girls that I've met don't feel secure to say it because they feel judged and feel scared. And so I feel like if they can see themselves through me, and at least have a little part of them feel seen and validated, that's a good thing,” Morrison says. “At the end of the day, connecting with each other is something that heals us too and makes us feel seen.”

Grief becomes growth

While writing her latest album, Morrison was inspired by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross — best known for her research in dying and grief. That includes the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

“I had to really go through all those stages to come back to life and accept everything. At the end of the day, it wasn't the music's fault. It wasn't the bullies’ fault. … It's something that was a lesson to learn — that I have to really have boundaries … and really make the time to cultivate myself.” 

The album also departs from her indie roots and leans into pop.

“I don't know why as a Mexican singer-songwriter, I have this label that I should always be attached to my guitar. No, I should be free to explore. I love my guitar, but I wanted to try something new.”