Michelle Buteau is no stranger to romantic comedies. She acted alongside Jennifer Lopez in Marry Me and Ali Wong in Always Be My Maybe. Typically, she plays the funny, best friend — but never the lead. That changed this summer when she became the star and co-creator of Survival of the Thickest, a Netflix sitcom loosely based on her book of essays of the same name, in which she plays a 38-year-old New York fashion stylist named Mavis who just left a long-term relationship.
Survival of the Thickest is inspired by Buteau's own life stories, though she is 46 years old and married with twins. But she points out that as a plus-sized woman, she has become a de-facto stylist in her own right.
“For so long, the fashion industry and the world never really thought anyone above a size 14 is worthy of looking good. So I always had to figure that out. And when I really became comfortable with that, that I will never live up to this unrealistic patriarchal standard of beauty, I started having fun. … And so I really wanted to find a job that would showcase fat phobia … and … how much work we still need to do in terms of body positivity,” Buteau explains.
Kindness and inclusivity in comedy
Self-deprecation is at the core of Buteau’s comedy, which the New Yorker described as “caring.” She says she wears that review as a “badge of honor.”
“The world in general, whether it's stand-up or the comment section in social media, it just feels very mean right now. And what I've always wanted to do was make people feel seen, heard, happy, uplifted, probably educated, and also entertained.”
She says it’s easy to put others down, but that creates an unsafe environment.
“I don't think people realize how powerful they are and what kind of platform they have, and how dangerous they make it for other people who don't have that kind of power or protection. There's nothing wrong with supporting people and uplifting them. And you can make it funny.”
In Survival of the Thickest, Buteau also showcases her version of New York, which is filled with LGBTQ people, drag queens, and people of color.
“Friends was a great show. But I'm like, ‘Nobody knows one Puerto Rican person and you live in the city? That's crazy. Sure there's a lot of coffee shops, but for me, it was a drag bar and restaurant.”
She continues, “I just wanted to show that allyship or queerness or questioning — whatever it is — it's safe. It's fun. It's normal that you also have your chosen family, your friends to help you, to guide you through your journey.”
It’s also an example of a transforming world. She points to one experience where she tried to get her kids baptized. The chosen godmothers, however, were gay. “The priest told me I couldn't do it because they were gay. And I'm like, is there a loophole? Because they were straight when I met them, but the world is changing. … That's what I wanted to show too. It's like, we're all evolving in our own way, let's just keep up.”
Buteau’s kids did not get baptized, but they were blessed by her friend Mark Tallman, who is an ordained minister.
“My family didn't talk to me for a little bit, but then they got over it. As a straight woman, married to a man, having children and then my family not talking to me because I'm sticking up for my friends that are gay — I can only imagine how tough it is for gay people to come out to their families. And then the fear of being rejected. It's insane. It's just like, we have to stop. We have to love on each other.”
Having twins via surrogate
In retrospect, Buteau says having kids via surrogacy was the scariest, loneliest, and out-of-control experience for her. However, it strengthened her marriage.
“I could see my friends getting uncomfortable because they don't know what to say. A lot of my friends don't want to have kids, and that's cool for them. So some of them couldn't understand why I was going through so much trouble to have my own. And then other friends who have had kids quite easily and naturally are just like, ‘Maybe if you try this acupuncture or this.’ It was very lonely because I couldn't speak freely at the time.”
She adds, “It's not like a common cold. … If someone's trying to get pregnant and they're sharing that with you, don't tell them to not drink green tea or work less or lose weight or whatever your tip is, unless you have a degree on your wall. … Just say, ‘I'm sorry you're going through this and whatever you want, I want that for you.’ That's it. That's all you have to say. We can move on.”
This Friday and Saturday, Michelle Buteau will perform at The Theatre at Ace Hotel.
