William Chen was dancing at the Star Dance Ballroom in Monterey Park on January 21, 2023 when a gunman entered the venue and killed 11 people, injuring nine others. He narrowly escaped by sneaking out through the back door.
The night left Chen with lasting trauma.
“I had nightmares almost every week after that,” Chen says. “[Dreams] like I get somewhere and I get lost right there. I can’t find a way to go home, I can’t find my car, I feel alone.”
More: Remembering My Nhan, Xiujuan Yu, and all 9 other victims of Monterey Park shooting
More: Monterey Park is a 2nd home for SoCal’s AAPI community. What happens after shooting?
Chen’s one of many dancers in this close-knit community –– of mostly elderly Asians who see ballroom dancing as a way to get active and meet friends –– who was victimized or knew a victim of the shooting personally.
Local leaders have encouraged those dancers to seek mental health treatment, but some have hesitated due to stigma around psychological distress.
“Our Asian community takes great pride in being well and competent,” says Silvia Yan, the program director for the Asian Pacific Counseling and Treatment Centers. “So to admit anything that might even resemble weakness or need is something that’s counter to the culture.”
Some dancers feel that attention on mental health even exacerbates the already-existing fears in the community.
“You cannot always stay in the sad moment,” says Eva Chong, a longtime dancer who attended a recent Thursday dance night at the Lai Lai Ballroom in Alhambra.
Chong is close friends with Maria Liang, the owner of the Star Dance Ballroom in Monterey Park, so the tragedy hit close to home for her as well. However, she thinks the emphasis on mental health is making the community more hesitant to dance again.
“Life keeps going,” Chong says. “Stay on the bright side.”
More: ‘We’re not gonna let it stop us’: Thousands honor lives lost, Lunar New Year in Alhambra
The manager of the Lai Lai Ballroom has a very different perspective.
Brandon Tsay made national headlines –– and was recognized during last year’s State of the Union address –– for disarming the shooter, who drove from the scene of the attack to the Lai Lai, intending to target more dancers.
Tsay says he dealt with trauma in the wake of his heroic act, and sought counseling to help manage emotions, which got him back on his feet. Now he’s publicly advocating for mental health.
Last Saturday, he hosted a remembrance fair at the Lai Lai Ballroom. Nearing the anniversary of the tragedy, he wanted to offer space for survivors to grieve. He also invited mental health organizations to table at the fair
The remembrance fair was capped off with a social dance. Photo by Eddie Sun.
Chun-Yen Chen, a close friend of Tsay who MCed the remembrance fair, says she hopes the assistance helps more people feel safe to rebuild the dance community they had created before the shooting.
“We want the [community] to feel, ‘No, you can still do what you used to do. You love to dance? Come out,’ says Chen. “You shouldn’t fear going out or feel guilty [about] having fun.”
While progress has been slow, the local leaders’ outreach has been bearing fruit. For example, a fellow dancer introduced William Chen to a counseling service after he described his trauma, and he’s been speaking to a therapist regularly ever since.
“They [taught me] how to relax myself, make myself feel better and not be so scared, not to worry about so much,” Chen says.
More: Chronicler of San Gabriel Valley Chinese restaurants undeterred by mass shooting