Hark! What’s this? A lengthy dispatch from KCRW DJ Henry Rollins, who, when asked to list his favorite albums of 2024 write about his no. 1 album of the year, kindly obliged. He also, completely unprompted, hit us back with this: “Let’s not forget the always memorable 12” format.”
Naturally, we’re not about to let music criticism as thoughtful and robust as what follows go unpublished. So read on to learn more about three 12” releases from the year 2024 that definitely (definitely) exist as real physical objects you can see with your own eyes and hear with your own ears.*
*At this point you might be asking yourself, if these records are so “real” why can’t I find any “information” about the artists or “buy” these records from a store? … And to that we say, “you know what, just… be cool man, be cool.”
Bromkant Stirlwell – “You Sued Me (And It Turned Me On)” / “Space Frenzy (Please Look Back)”
2024, Pudding Clown Records
Another strange sounding PCR release. Like last year’s ambitious trio of 12”s by Baby Coolant with disturbing remixes of Stirlwell's “You Taste Like Someone I Used To Know” and “Stab The Pig,” Stirlwell once again emerges from his subterranean studio outside of Ghent, Belgium with yet more almost impossible-to-endure tracks, not for the faint of heart, sound of mind, or recently released from a psychiatric facility, but definitely for those who haven’t realized they don’t like music. So why am I hyping this record to you? Because he’s one of the “12 Disciples of Mokon Fek” and has earned his place in not only the ever-somnambulant Belgian “Cough To Let Me Know You’re Alive” club scene but now that his trafficking charges (most of them) have been dropped, he’s ready (with an ankle monitor) for your listening platform, to go through your phone into those bad sounding “earbuds” you bought online. You’re sure to nod off to this one. If only you were on serious drugs, maybe I could get through to you.
The Chemical Conservatives – “Moving Sushi (I Ate All The Fish In Your Tank)” / “K Street Thang”
2024, Trust The Algorithm Records
The DJ Pajamabottoms@thegym "Cornfunk" remix of “Moving Sushi” was held back for months because DJ Pandapants said it sounded too much like a remix he was doing for the same track! The “Pajama” version won out, and if you know who he’s dating, you know why. Expect Panda’s version to come out on Hypoglycemic Vol. 15 early next year on Comfort Illusion. If you’re not familiar with the Chem Con thing, they use a lot of samples from 1970s era television shows and “deep retro” beats, trying to sound like Adrian Sherwood pummeled with a rake but failing. (As far as using these samples, obviously the Cons never heard any of the early Barney Blarney 12”s out of the UK circa 2008-2011.) A guy in my coven, warlock Kenny, played this record so many times at one of our ketamine powered all-nighters, by dawn I started to like it. I don’t think you will. It’s probably best to avoid this record altogether.
Green Päpä Umläuläut – “Blowing Out Unlit Candles” / “Fuzzy Gladioliator II”
2024, Remember Tang? Records
I’m old enough to remember 2022 when Päpä could do no wrong. He spun records at everything from corporate events to those sad nights where young people in bucket hats, big pants, questionable reading skills, and deplorable dental hygiene filled warehouses, took drugs, jumped up and down to bad music, and then died when the roof collapsed, usually around the Manchester area of England.
When Päpä dropped what ended up being his most well-known track “Schmak Dat Donut,” he was suddenly an out-of-shape and used-up Icarus who found himself in a Turkish prison, surrounded by angry men who made cruel and unusual demands of him for 17 months. Well, as you’ve probably read, he’s out and recently dropped this new 12” with lyrics that are apparently derived from his time inside a facility about 20 miles outside of Istanbul. Look up the film Midnight Express or ask your father about his backpacking trips when he was fresh out of college, and what he tried to bring home. Is this record any good? Does it matter? Are you even reading this? I don’t know why I bother.