When it comes to relationships, a friendship can hold a far more nuanced and significant place in our hearts, than perhaps we fully appreciate.
The Platonic relationship, an ideal talked about by the ancient Greek Philosopher Plato, recognizes the existence of a closeness of mind and soul between two people, absent of any physical attraction. This kind of affection and tenderness is captured in letters and stories throughout history — friendships that have been as deep and intimate, meaningful, and powerful as any romantic relationship, and, says author Raina Cohen, “friendships could be the thing that makes life feel full and complete.”
Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, argues that friendship has been undermined as our expectations in a romantic partner have shifted and the primary focus is coupledom, which “leaves much less space for friendship.”
Today, changing lifestyles have impacted what we want and expect from a relationship, says Cohen. “We expect our romantic partners to be our everything, to be our best friend, to be our confidant and co parent, the person that knows us deeply and is our professional coach and all of that.”
Sadly, Cohen points out that most, “people don't end up having that, and then feel like there's something wrong with their relationship.” Expecting too much of our romantic partners has meant that “the very best marriages have gotten better over time because of these high expectations, but the average marriage has gotten worse.”
Thankfully, norms are changing, and in her book, Cohen shares stories of Platonic relationships spanning all ages, races, genders and sexualities, and shatters some of the widespread assumptions that people who share homes, kids, companionship, and love must be romantically involved.
“The normal, acceptable, successful way to be an adult is to be coupled, and that is something that both stigmatizes people who don't have that arrangement, but I think also narrows our imagination for what it looks like to live a full life, which relationships we can nourish,” Cohen says. “If there's so much focus on the couple, we are not paying attention to the many other kinds of connections we can have, and that can make our lives feel full.”
Rhaina Cohen pictured here, says “we don't have great vocabulary or understanding of what it means to have this, this blend of romantic and platonic, but I realized you can have a lot of the same feelings, and sexual attraction does not have to be involved. You can want to commit to friends in ways that we're told you're only really supposed to have an organic relationship. So there's a lot more blurriness than we've been made to realize and I think once we realize it, there's so much more room to roam in our platonic relationships.” Photo courtesy of Cassidy DuHon
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