It’s an often overlooked truth that each of us constructs versions of our lives within the narratives we tell ourselves. As we mature, childhood fantasies may change, but the narratives we craft for ourselves can act as motivators toward future goals and safeguard us from disappointment.
When it comes to love and marriage, we all want a Hollywood ending. But life has a way of inevitably derailing our plans. Love is more nuanced; intense relationships may crumble and expectations shift as we change. Still, love’s imprint remains, whether it lasts one year or 40.
These stories of life are what captivate writer Leslie Jamison. Her latest book, Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story, is a personal journey through one of the most painful and joyous times in her life. Jamison dives deep into the demise of her marriage and her embrace of motherhood.
Fascinated by the stories “we tell about our lives,” Jamison says that she grew up “with some of the fantasies of marriage and the perfect union, and that you could be kind of saved and grounded by love.” But what do you do when the story no longer fits? Jamison asks whether there are different versions of love and the role of the legacy passed down by her parents.
“In my own life and in my own family, I also inherited very different versions of what love looks like,” Jamison says. “Most people in my family had gotten divorced and my own parents got divorced … I was living with this cognitive dissonance — here's what love is supposed to look like: You get married and it lasts forever. And here's what love actually looks like: You get married and it doesn't last forever.”
Splinters is a voyage of self-discovery and exploration, but Jamison is quick to point out the value, art, and necessity of narrative storytelling.
“My life is just another life. It just happens to be the one that I have the most intimate access to, and particularly the most intimate access to the deepest, deepest layers of feeling.”
Personal narrative is very much Jamison’s passion and central to her teaching as a writing professor at Columbia University. “I believe so deeply about personal narrative, which is that it's the opposite of solipsistic,” Jamison explains.
“Personal narrative gets a hard rap, like [it’s] navel-gazing, or narcissistic, or you're only focused on your own life. But for me, believing in personal narrative is really about believing in everybody's personal narrative, not just or even especially my own.”
Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook.