Goodluck bb gayz! full transcript

Myisha Battle: Relationships without tension are boring.

Amber Whittington: I'm saying!

Myisha: They're boring.

Amber: People think I'm crazy for that!

Myisha: No! Like how do you force each other to, like, look at your shit and like, deal with it if there's no tension in the relationship? Something's going on there.

MUSIC

Myisha: Welcome back to KCRW's How's Your Sex Life? Your sex and dating survival guide. I'm your host Myisha Battle and I want to take a moment to marvel at the fact that we even have sex. It's human too, of course, and it feels great, but it's also super vulnerable. It's this naked thing we choose to do with some people and not others, and it's worth recognizing how special that is without getting too precious about it. Today, we're going to hear your questions about dating while discovering a new sexual identity and how to move on from toxic exes. And I'm here with Amber Whittington, thanks for being here, Amber!

Amber: Thanks for having me.

Myisha: Oh, of course, yeah, you use your socials to combine humor and advocacy to create content for the queer community and you talk a lot about sex and dating, so I'm excited to hear your take on our questions today.

Amber: I'm excited about the questions. And nervous, always.

Myisha: That's good. That's a good mix to go into it I think. Before we dig into those questions though, I have a question for you.

Amber: Okay.

Myisha: How's your sex life?

Amber: It's great.

Myisha: Are you dating, partnered, like, what's the vibe right now?

Amber: I'm dating.

Myisha: Okay.

Amber: Yeah, not married or wifed up yet.

Myisha: Okay.

Amber: I'm trying to be!

Myisha: Okay!

Amber: Yeah.

Myisha: Too personal to ask if the person or people that you're having sex with are potentials for that?

Amber: Right. No, I think after a certain age, I don't really have the luxury of just dating for fun. I'm dating for marriage now.

Myisha: Okay! When did that shift happen?

Amber: I would say, after my relationship ended, that I had online that I thought that I was going to marry that person, and then we broke up, but then we continued to date on and off for a little while, and then once I was like, wow, this has to go. Then that's when I started to pour into myself and I was single for a while. And then after that, I'm just like, okay, um over 35! I need to, you know, date for marriage. But before that, I was dating for fun, just to kind of pour into myself when I was healing.

Myisha: I hear you, yeah.

Amber: Yeah.

Myisha: We, we talk a lot on the show about, you know, there's just different stages of dating, different intentionalities that we bring to the dating process. We have this question coming up about toxic exes, it sounds like maybe you have something to say about that?

Amber: I've got a few! [Laughter]

Myisha: All right! Well, let's get started and just a quick reminder, our questions are voiced by actors to keep everyone anonymous.

Question 1: What’s your advice for baby lesbians who are discovering themselves in the sapphic dating world? Do you have any beginner tips for going down on a woman?

Amber: Oh, wow, we got into it!

Myisha: Really quick!

Amber: So is that for me or do you have something to say?

Myisha: Well, I'd love to hear your general take on this question for how this person describes themself as a baby lesbian. What's your advice?

Amber: Well, first, I just want to say, like I kind of made my YouTube career based off of this. My coming out journey took too long, and so then I started making content that I wish I had to help me come out. So a lot of my content, especially on YouTube is for that experience of like, I'm trying to find myself, I'm trying to come out, how do I be myself in this world and feel confident about that? So if I'm missing something, then I might have something there for you, but I would say just like, don't be afraid to be yourself. I think that was kind of my issue, is like, I was like, okay, maybe it's easier if I come out as bisexual first, even though I only, I know I only like women, I thought it was like, kind of like an easier punch, and then I used to label myself as a stem lesbian, or I felt like I was like, kind of like the first around I saw that. So I realized that I wasn't a stud necessarily, or like, full masculine or full feminine. I realized I was like, somewhere in between. So then one day I was just like, 'Oh, I'm a stem!' so I kind of just put it together. And I used to label myself as that on YouTube for a very long time. And then eventually it was something that became, there was more people kind of in that realm. So I say that to say, you know, it wasn't easy for me, but then I found myself, and then I was just really happy that I just kind of stuck to who I am, truly who I am, and then I had a better outcome for it. I feel like at first, girls didn't know, I wasn't attracting the girls that I liked, but then once I kind of found myself and my swag and my confidence, I was able to. And then going down. Okay, so I do have three videos on this, specifically called how to give good head, but I would say just listen to your partner, think about things that you might like, ask questions, and it's always a good thing to start off slow. And circles are nice.

Myisha: Start slow, work the circles, yes. Okay, that's amazing. Yeah! I love how you said that you kind of took your coming out journey in like phases, you know, and sort of found yourself in each phase, and each phase led you closer to how you really authentically wanted to show up in the dating world, and that that actually helps you attract the type of people that you want. I think that's amazing advice, because I have worked with a lot of clients who, you know, their dating history is more hetero, and they're realizing again, like later in life, maybe this isn't for me. I've always had these attractions, but never felt confident or comfortable enough to make any moves on it. And they've really held back on flirtation, or, you know, any sort of, like primer to get themselves ready for the type of dating that they want to have. So they've got, like, zero experience, and then all of a sudden they're like, you know, on Lex or whatever!

Amber: Yeah, I think there needs to be, like, a support group for that, that group of humans, I'm gonna say, in general, most of my questions come from curious, bicurious, or I've been straight my whole life, but I think this is, I'm ready, you know, and like, some are full fledged, like, I've been keeping it in forever, I want to be with women, or just kind of like, you know, fluid, and they're scared. And then also, on the other side, you know, queer women are also scared of them. It's just like, oh, are you gonna come? Am I an experiment? Are you gonna leave me once you break my heart, kind of thing? And I'm one of the lesbians that are, like, I got the bisexual, the fluids back, like I get you, I understand you, I'm not scared of you, but most are because of the idea of you might come and then leave. But there needs to be space and room for that, you know. And it's like, so I just feel like, if you're wanting to test the waters to see how, just be open and honest, because you'll run into someone who's like, oh, I'm available to guide you through this experience, or just be kind of slow with you, or answer your questions. And then there's some that are just like, I'm done teaching, you know, I'm grown, but there needs to be a support group, because I think that I run into that more than anything else, to be honest.

Myisha: Yeah, and there, there actually are, you know, some, there's some degree of support, usually at LGBTQIA plus centers for folks who are questioning. But I think there should be more, because I think there's a lot more of the population that is questioning and doesn't know where to go with those questions or those feelings or those internal tensions that can arise. I wrote a piece for TIME magazine over Pride Month about like how like the Q in LGBTQ is also, it's not just queer, it's questioning and that's like an identity unto itself, you know? Somebody who is questioning needs permission to explore and fuck up and like, have weird, awkward sex and like, be okay, you know, with not being perfect. So I think you're right. Like, community is really important, and not only for just having your phase of life be normalized because you're around other people who are also questioning, but also you could make connections there, you know, you could start flirtations there, that might feel a little safer, because you know you aren't like in this pool of daters who, like you said, might reject you because they're tired of teaching, or, you know, might have judgments against you, because right now you're in this phase where you're identify identifying as bisexual, right? So, yeah, I think that there's an opportunity here for not only community connection, but actual sexual connection. And I love your advice, your beginner tips, I think, like, follow, you know, follow your own instincts when you're hooking up with a woman like you have the luxury of understanding female anatomy, right.

Amber: Yes.

Myisha: You, hopefully, at this point in life, have had enough experience, either with yourself only, or with other partners, where you have some idea of what you like and can communicate that. And honestly, I think, this isn't always the case, but I have seen that lesbians tend to be a lot more vocal about yes this, not that, or, like, I don't want to be touched, but I'm here for you. There’s just a lot more, I think, openness in terms of communication of boundaries and preferences. So this person might actually be surprised if they're coming from hetero dating, how much easier it is to get that feedback and understanding of like, oh yes, you're doing it, you're doing it right. Or no, you're really, really doing it wrong. We need to come up for air and let's have a talk.

Amber: I think also they might be shocked at how much someone is in tune with their body, almost more than them. As a pleaser, I end up really wanting to study my partner, and I learn more about their body than they know about their body, and I'm exploring areas that they didn't even know they find pleasure in. And sometimes that experience can happen for someone too. What you said earlier, like if you had self pleasure by yourself right? When I was younger, and maybe it was my religious background, whatever, I had my best friend Shan Boodram on, who's a sex expert as well, and we did a video together about that, because she wanted to change my idea of it because I saw that as a bad thing. But honestly, like, you know, she changed my mind and and how I thought about it, and then I was like, wow, I wish I did take the time so then I would have known my body a little bit more, and I would have been able to be vocal and say, yes this, no this. And so that is really also important, because when you know your body and what you like, you can communicate that. But then also you can bring that into your first experience and say, I like this, maybe she will.

Myisha: Mhm, yes. I think that's where we need to leave it. And if this was your question out there, I really hope that you have some confidence, you know, you can approach this with a little more ease, and hopefully you're also doing some work in looking into organizations or meetups for questioning people, or, you know, lesbians who are like early in the stages of coming out. Good luck! And have fun.

Amber: Yes.

Myisha: Our next question is about the way exes shape our future relationships. Let's take a listen.

Question 2: Do you think it’s okay to look for traits my ex had in future partners, without getting disappointed down the road?

Amber: Ohhh.

Myisha: Yeah, this one's tough, but I am a dating coach, so I talk to people about like, who they like and why, all the time. And sometimes exes do come up, you know, oh, I had this one ex who was great about this, but just terrible about this, or, I guess there's a fine line between recognizing traits that your ex had that were good for you, versus obsessing over like, why can't I have my ex so I don't, I'm not getting that with this person. What do you think?

Amber: Yeah, I think they're, because I'm not a dating expert, but I'm in therapy, and I have been, you know, and what I realized I had to pull back, and I realized I was kind of repeating the same patterns, but then I was able to pull back more and realize it wasn't a compare and contrast about each ex that I was doing with the next person I was dating. It was more so I was looking for certain things in my love language, right? So it's like, oh yeah, she had these traits, she did these things, but it's just how I receive love, right? So I want more acts of service. That's how I feel like somebody's thinking of me, and that's how I feel like I'm receiving love. So once I kept pulling back, I realized where that was coming from, and not really about her specifically, if that makes sense.

Myisha: No, I think that's great! Totally spot on. I think it's worth pulling from your past to inform your future. And even if you don't have any like solid dating experience, looking to your friendships is even a good way —

Amber: Absolutely.

Myisha: To judge who's going to be a good person for you and your future, because your friends are the people who have your back. They're the people who you turn to in crisis. You know, some of us have closer relationships with our friends than our family, especially queer folks like friends are family. So you know, it's really important to think about the types of people that you're drawn to, whether that's romantically, sexually or just on a platonic friend level. I think it's kind of the work of getting what you want, is figuring out, okay, what has worked for me in the past that felt really supportive and easy, and then what are these current dating prospects giving me? And if it's not that, then maybe move on.

Amber: Right. I do want to add, you said our friends are family, and sometimes in the queer world, our exes are as well, and that's hard for people sometimes on the outside to understand. But once you kind of live life with someone, and they're your everything, and even though you move on, it's like they're still kind of a part of your DNA, your journey, and that's why they almost stay as family. I'm saying this because I've had trouble with dating and them seeing that my exes are still in my life, but it's like they were a big part of who I am. So it's like we're able to have a friendship and keep it obviously platonic and and healthy boundaries, but they're a big deal to me still.

Myisha: Yeah.

Amber: They become friends.

Myisha: Yeah.

Amber: What do you think about that?

Myisha: I actually wrote about this for my most recent piece for TIME.

Amber: Okay!

Myisha: It's okay to stay friends with your ex's friends. So it was basically just, like, you know, an exploration of how, like, you know, we, we, we kind of put in these boundaries about, like, who gets to stay friends with whom. And I think that does really start with, is it okay to even, like, be friends with your ex? And I think based on the relationship, whoever's involved in that relationship, y'all get to decide, like, if you stay friends or not. And I think the most important thing is, you know, really delineating between, you know, we were in a romantic relationship, and now we're not, so we don't do the things that we used to do. So that process can take a long time, but I think there is space for people to have these new, evolved relationships. They just have to find their footing, and sometimes that means sleeping with each other for, you know, maybe longer than is healthy

Amber: Right, to be able to finally let go!

Myisha: To be able to finally let go! It's just like that one last fuck.

Amber: Right. This is it!

Myisha: You're like, okay, I can let go. You know, but yeah, I think that the jealousy that new partners may feel about that I have all kinds of thoughts about jealousy. I think jealousy is a warning sign to ourselves about, you know, what we're comfortable with, and also what insecurities we might be feeling in our relationship.

Amber: That's the word I was looking for

Myisha: Yeah, insecurities! Yeah. And it's hard. Like, I've had the experience where people have introduced me to their exes as friends, and I've been like, this chick is cool. I'm very like, we could be friends, you know? I've just, I've just not sensed from my partner that this was anything like it was clear why the relationship didn't work to me, like, and they made it clear, just by the way they were together. And then I've been in situations where I'm like, I don't trust this bitch. Like, we're gonna need to talk about like, like, woman to woman, about, like, what's going on here? Because this doesn't feel good, and in those instances, usually when I break up with that person, they go back to that ex, you know?

Amber: Oh, so your intuition was correct!

Myisha: 100 percent correct.

Amber: Yeah.

Myisha: So like, I think also, it's fair to have a healthy amount of jealousy. It's okay, like, you just have to work with it and not make it somebody else's problem. You have to kind of like do the work of —

Amber: That was it, don't make it someone else's problem!

Myisha: Yeah, it's like, I'm jealous! You're not making me jealous. Like I'm jealous of this situation. Why? Because I see a type of relationship dynamic that we don't have. Okay, well, let's talk about it. We're two different people. Y'all have this history, you know, etcetera, etcetera. I'm never going to fill that need for you, because they are more of this, like, you know, friend who's developed from a romantic relationship, and they just know more about you okay? And I think it's worth noticing when those feelings change, you know, like over time, sometimes just jealousy falls away because you get more comfortable with the dynamic. It's not that the dynamic changes or makes you feel more, you know, accommodated. It's just that, like you get more comfortable and you trust the person more. So that's really important.

Amber: I think it comes with finding more grounding or safety with your partner too. That also helps kind of take away some of the insecurity that you might have about that person. Because sometimes it's the internal battles, the insecurity that we have to deal with, and sometimes it's oh, I feel a little shaky with my partner, and I don't feel solid. And that's why I feel like they might want to leave or go back to this person. I feel like sometimes when you get more solid as a couple, then some of that just like, fades away.

Myisha: Yeah.

Amber: But I like to get deep. I like to, when I see someone getting jealous, it's a little bit like, 'ohh, you like me!' right? Like, I don't know if that's a little a little bit of touch of toxicity, right, but then also, I want to know why did this moment feel this way for you? And then we end up getting deep into conversation, and I'm finding out that it's coming up because of some ex you had from like, seven years ago treated you like this, or handled something in some type of way, and now you're forever changed. But now that I've I was able to, kind of like open up that conversation and see it, now we can both see it and kind of work on that. And that's how I like to have my situations. I don't think that arguments are bad. I think they're bad if we don't grow and learn from them. But other than that, it's like, oh, this is the best way to get to know you and us and get closer.

Myisha: That's how I think about it. Yeah, relationships without tension are boring.

Amber: I'm saying!

Myisha: They're just boring.

Amber: People think I'm crazy for that!

Myisha: No! Like, how do you force each other to, like, look at your shit and like, deal with it if there's no tension in the relationship?

Amber: I'm saying!

Myisha: Something's going on there, something wrong is going on there.

Amber: I need you in my, in some of my situations, I need you in the like friend group, the group chat!

Myisha: We're gonna make it happen after this call. 100 percent. All right, we're gonna take a quick break, but when we come back, we have one more question about mixed signals.

Amber: Ohhh.

Myisha: Mhm. Don't go anywhere!

BREAK

Myisha: And we're back. Our last question is from someone who can't get over their ex so kind of related to what we were just talking about. Let's take a listen.

Question 3: I can’t get over my ex, she sends too many mixed signals. Can you help a bi girl out?

Myisha: I mean, the mixed signals would make you question whether this relationship is happening or not.

Amber: Yeah. Mixed signals can have you go insane a bit.

Myisha: Yeah. And it sounds like this person actually would want a relationship with their ex to continue if that was a possibility. But I have to say, in my personal opinion, that if you're getting mixed signals consistently, take that as a sign that it's not working, like whatever is happening is not working, because when things are working, your signals are clear. It's I'm texting you consistently, I'm following up on making plans, I'm talking to you about how I feel, I'm even saying like, I don't know how I feel. I'm confused. It's having those tough conversations. So you can be someone who is unsure, but still communicative, in my opinion. I think that this person is probably unsure and also, like, doesn't know how to emotionally handle the space that the two of you are occupying right now, which is this, like big gray question mark. So I think it's worth maybe just implementing a no contact rule for a little bit, and then circling back. So for those of you who aren't familiar, like 30 days no contact is something that, you know, some therapists recommend after breakups. It's a good like hard reset, and can give you both some separation and distance to kind of think on whether or not you want to give this another shot or feel all your feelings and like, do some processing with friends, but it gives you that space, each of you, to not be in each other's lives and really think about what's going on and if it's going to work. What do you think Amber?

Amber: I absolutely agree with all of that you said. And then I want to ask this person what they want and if they've communicated that, right? Because if your potential partner, or your ex, is kind of all over the place, have you done the work of saying, hey, I want this from you and kind of set your intentions and your boundaries by saying that I want to see this more, or want to feel this more from you, or I want to understand what you're going through. Because just like you said, for someone to have mixed signals and be all over the place, you can still communicate that when I didn't have capacity to have any serious relationships, I communicated that when I said, I'm only looking for this right now, if that's not what you're interested in, and kind of gave an opt in, opt out button, I was communicating that. So even if it's if you feel like it might be not the easiest thing for that person to hear, you have to kind of express where you are and you're in your journey, so then they can understand it and be able to do something with it. I always say, make it make sense. Like I need to make something make sense, right? If I understand where you are on your journey, then I can understand if that makes sense for me or not.

Myisha: And I don't know, in like, a breakup situation, is like, a valid answer, you know? Like we just broke up, or we had a really hard, you know, heart to heart about whether or not we're gonna pursue this anymore, but like, we're still in each other's lives, and I don't know what that means, that's still valid. That makes perfect sense.

Amber: Yeah.

Myisha: You know? It's okay. I think that's another thing that we forget, too. Is that sometimes in these messy moments, we want that clarity, and if we can't communicate like a yes or a no, we just don't communicate at all, like, let's stop that. You know, it's, it's okay to be like, I just don't know. I'm really confused right now. I need to take a beat and, like, maybe hanging out isn't like the thing that is going to help me gain the clarity that I know I want and you deserve.

Amber: Yeah, that was a bar because 30 days is hard!

Myisha: Yeah. Oh, I've done it! It's very hard.

Amber: Yeah. Oh, no, me too! And it's just really tough, especially if you hold that person close in your heart for more than just your sexual partner or your romantic partner, like, oh, they're my best friend. They're the person I do everything with. They're the person I lean on. I want to ask advice on business or whatever. It's so hard. We do that in the queer community. We're just like, you're my everything!

Myisha: Yeah, and it's not exclusive, but yeah, maybe more intense.

Amber: Oh yeah, I don't know nothin’ about that other side!

Myisha: Maybe more intense? Because, you know, going back to your earlier point of like, keeping exes as friends, and, you know, having those lines be a little bit blurry, sometimes the queer community is small, and sometimes, like you don't want to lose another connection that you've made. You know, those connections are really hard, one for queer people, you know, and I think there's value in that. But maybe what this person, you know, if this is your question out there, maybe what you're looking for is that friendship to continue too, and for that to happen you kind of have to get over this or through this tense period where things aren't as clear as you want them to be. So I wish you all the best. I wish you good luck in navigating this, but you do deserve some clarity, and then you know that that might mean taking space for yourself to you know, get that even for yourself! Sometimes for me, like, I've done the like, no contact, maybe not for 30 days, but I've done no contact, and in the first few days I'm like, fuck this! Like, oh, wait, what was I doing? Like, what fucking magic spell was I under that, you know? So sometimes the clarity can come to you without you, even, you know, needing this other person to come back to you and say, yes, I want a relationship, or no, I don't, you know, you might get that yourself.

Amber: Yeah, for me, it's been realizing what I deserve, and I don't deserve to be feeling confused. So then I'm like, oh no, I want communication. I deserve a partner that can communicate and not leave me feeling shitty. Period.

Myisha: 100 percent.

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Myisha: We're gonna move on to our last segment. Basically, I have three questions for you that are all related to sex and relationships, and you get to pick which one you want to answer.

Amber: Oh!

Myisha: How's that feel?

Amber: Fun.

Myisha: Okay, good. All right, here are your choices. A. Who was your first queer crush? B. What's the farthest you've gone to find a missed connection for you or for a friend? Or C, have you ever U hauled with anyone, and if so, did it go okay or end up in disaster?

Amber: Oh, wow, wow! Okay. Let me think. I feel like I've answered one and three, A and C a lot. B, I'm trying to think. I've backtracked I would say!

Myisha: Okay!

Amber: Being more, I would say, as I got older and more in tune with myself, like I know who I am, I'm in a more stable, I'm stable as a as human in my career, all the things like that, I've, you know, tried to see, or kind of like light a flame, with someone that I felt like I dated when I was younger, who was great for me, but we were young, and I think that we were on different pages, because we were both kind of on our journeys of finding ourselves, but also working hard to build our careers, and we just didn't have the time for each other. And so I've kind of, well we went like eight years not talking, and then kind of found each other again through, like mutual people on accident, and then it just like, I don't know, it was like, time never even passed. And, yeah, that was pretty great.

Myisha: I love that. Is this somebody that you're seeing now?

Amber: No, um, I feel like, well, she came into my time, into my life, at a time where I really needed someone to kind of understand what I was going through. I went through, I was going through a lot of, like, family things, and because she's known me for a really long time she understood that dynamic of the family issue that I had because of how close I was, and with my loss I had, I lost my father, and so she came into my life when I was kind of going through it, and just really understood, because you know her, knowing me from a long time ago, knew how close I was, and so it's like I needed that at that moment. And so it was kind of like perfect timing. But I think I've had to go through my own, I'm going through my own grief process and everything. So I'm, I'm kind of just baby stepping into the dating world. And right now, I'm trying to focus one thing at a time.

Myisha: That's good, that's good.

Amber: Yeah.

Myisha: And I love that you were open to receiving, you know, having somebody be with you in that grief, you know, when you needed it, and to not say, like, thanks, but no thanks, like, this is a solo journey, you know, but to really let someone in, because you saw the value in them really knowing who you are, and you know that that connection that you had to family.

Amber: That was a learning process for me too, being open to that.

Myisha: That's amazing. Congratulations!

Amber: Thank you, I'm growing!

Myisha: Yeah, aren't we all? Like every single day.

Amber: We're supposed to be.

Myisha: Yeah, we are, we are. If we were, again, if we were all the same, no friction.

Amber: Can I ask you one of those questions?

Myisha: Yeah! Okay. Um, okay, let's see, hmm. First queer crush. [Laughs] I stole my dad's Playboys.

Amber: Oh, wow!

Myisha: [Laughs] And would like, peruse them like in my parents closet. Like I would just like, I knew where they were, I knew where the stash was, this was not a one time occurrence. This was like a weekly habit.

Amber: Oh, my goodness!

Myisha: I would be like, I would like, choose my moments and be like, okay, what are the odds that I'm gonna get caught here? And then I would go and steal one and then and look through so, yeah, one time my mom caught me, but she was like, do you just like looking at the naked ladies? And I was like, yeah! And then she let me go.

Amber: Wow! I wish I had that! The only thing that my dad had was he had, like, Calendar Girls. He was a professional football player, so like girls, just like models. He dated famous people, models, all that and they would just have, they would just hand him pictures and calendars and whatever. And that was like the closest I could get to it.

Myisha: I bet!

Amber: But I know that question wasn't for me, but it was Jada Pinkett for me on A Low Down Dirty Shame when I was young.

Myisha: Oh, oh yeah.

Amber: And then also, for some reason, Jessica Biel in Seventh Heaven. She was more of like a tomboy character and so I was like, oh, that's me! But also, I love her!

Myisha: Oh, you saw yourself in Jessica Biel.

Amber: Well, because I was a tomboy when I was younger, but then once I started being good at sports, and people started calling me a lesbian because I was good at sports, I was like, no, I'm not! So I started getting earlier, but inside, I've always been my dad's son, you know?

Myisha: Let female athletes be!

Amber: Thank you! We'll tell you about it later, I mean!

Myisha: Especially girls! Let them be. Just let them be.

Amber: Yeah.

Myisha: They'll tell you when they're ready.

Amber: They were right, though, but still. Leave me alone.

Myisha: Yes, all right, Amber, thank you so much for being here. Before I let you go, please tell people where they can find you and your work.

Amber: Yes, well, thank you for having me. My name is Ambers Closet on almost all platforms, and then Facebook and Tiktok it's Ambers Closet 33.

Myisha: Well, thanks again! This has been great, and yes, we should sidebar and start that group chat.

Amber: Yessss.

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Myisha: And thank you for listening. If you want advice about sex or dating, remember to drop us an email or voice memo at sex life at kcrw dot org. We'll keep you anonymous.

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Myisha: How's Your Sex Life is a KCRW original podcast. Our producer is Andrea Bautista. Our executive producer is Gina delvac. This episode was recorded by Sue Margulies and mixed by Hope Brush. Our music was created by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs. Special thanks to Women's Audio Mission, Myriam-Fernanda Alcala Delgado, Arnie Seipel and Jennifer Ferro. And a big shout out to our voice actors! We'll let them introduce themselves on the way out.

VO 1: This is Lena Ransfer. Thanks for listening!

VO 2: This is Emma Rothenberg. If you liked this episode, share it with a friend.

VO 3: This is Myriam-Fernanda. See you next time for another episode of KCRW’s ‘How’s Your Sex Life?’.