Sex after death full transcript

Myisha Battle: I think about death a lot. And so I think about what would happen if you know my partner died. I know in my heart of hearts that he would want me to have a full life after him and that's an expression of his love. 

[MUSIC] 

Myisha: Hi, welcome back to another episode of KCRW's "How's Your Sex Life?" I'm your host, Myisha Battle. I'm so excited to be here today because we're going to tap into some spiritual energy to answer your questions. I'm joined by Bri Luna, also known as The Hood Witch. Bri focuses on everyday magic for the modern mystic, and she's the author of the book Blood Sex Magic, a collection of spells and stories. Bri, thank you so much for being here. 

Bri Luna: Thank you so much for having me! I'm so excited. 

Myisha: Yeah! Before we start, I have a question for you.

Bri: Okay, I'm ready.

Myisha: How's your sex life?

Bri: Ah, it's amazing. 

Myisha: Yeah? Amazing, do tell if you feel comfortable sharing.

Bri: I mean, I feel like I'm very much Venus ruled. I am a Taurus. So sex and pleasure are things that I take very seriously. There are ways that I manifest. You know, sex, for me is more than just sex, like it's just it's an act of connection. It's a form of magic. So it is actually a very big part of my magical practice. 

Myisha: I'm really, really excited to talk about sex magic, because our producers were up in arms, they were like, what is sex magic? We want to know everything about it! So how do you break this down for people?

Bri: In the simplest terms, sex using, utilizing sex in your magical practice. This can be done solo, this can be done partnered, this can be done in throuple, couple, you know, it can be done in an orgy, I mean, all all the things. So really, you're utilizing the energy between yourself and your partners and focusing in on a common goal and you are truly manifesting using that sexual buildup of energy together and really just focusing that, channeling that energy into your goal into I guess that's like, just for lack of better terms, like for your goal, but that's very general. It's kind of like I'm umbrella-ing it. There are so many ways that you can utilize sex, bodily fluids, and all of these things into your rituals, be that with candle magic, with spells, and things like that. So in my book, I do share some pretty potent ways that you can access your sexual magic and how you can harness your sexual energy and yeah, having that work for you.

Myisha: Mmm and we're gonna get into that. You put a call out for questions and got a ton of replies like so, so, so, so many. So I know your audience is really excited for you to cover this topic! I wanted to say that while we won't get to all of them today, we do have some great past episodes of “How's Your Sex Life?” that may help those struggling with mismatched libido, polyamory, and coming out specifically. There were a few questions about that. All right, let's start with a question from one of our listeners. And just as a reminder, the questions you'll be hearing are read by voice actors, not the question askers.

Question 1: How do I stop dating avoidant people? 

Myisha: So I thought this might be an interesting question to tackle from a more like, spiritual practice side, like if we're thinking about attracting people that are going to be more present in our lives, like what could be happening if we just find ourselves in a pattern where we're we're matching with and partnering with people who are more on the avoidant side? 

Bri: Dump them. I just, I mean, honestly, I feel at this point, we're, you know, more and more, you know, we're getting like, in alignment with ourselves and being honest with what we want. I'm not sure that so many people are honest with themselves and it's like, if you are finding yourself in a cycle where you're pairing with people who are not giving you what it is that you're looking for and what you need. Honestly, if you're dating someone who's avoidant, and they're not really showing up for you, I'm really just, to me I'm not like fluffy, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. Connect with people that make you feel good and it really is that simple. It's just, it's it's very, I mean, I know that there's a lot of nuance to dating and relationships and partnerships, but at the end of the day, it's if you're feeling like you're chasing someone and they're really not showing up to meet your needs, it's like, how much energy and time do you really want to invest in, in that kind of dynamic where they're avoiding you? Or they're not comforting or emotional, or, you know, showing up for you in ways that really make you feel grounded in your body and in your life and relationships, right? So it's like, I don't know, for me, maybe because this is my earthy, Taurus nature where I'm just like, eh nope, next bye! 

Myisha: Yeah, yeah. Well, I've worked with a lot of clients who struggle with this and I did a KCRW event where people could like, rapid fire ask me questions, and this question came up a lot there, too. So I know it's something that people really have a hard time dealing with. I think that there is some amount, and I say this with love because I've done it myself, there's some amount of self delusion in dating avoidant people, where you think you can fix them, you think that you're the exception to the rule, you think that if you give them more time, more energy, more love, that they will deliver something back to you that you are actually looking for. So what I'm hearing from you is really just like, read the signs, you know, is this person showing up for you or not? And if not, don't waste your time.

Bri: Truly, I mean, they have to do the heavy lifting and that is a huge part of spiritual work, right? It's each person's journey, and you're not responsible for fixing an adult or watering weeds, you know, it's like, these people know what they're doing for the most part, and some of them they don't, and I get it, like, there is so much more to relationships and why people behave the way that they do. But it's like, be real. Do you want to be someone's therapist? Do you want to train a person how to love you and how to show up and how to do it? It's like, it's exhausting, you know, and I really, really want more people to fall in to alignment with people who vibe with them and be okay with walking away from situations that are draining to you, and leave you questioning and wondering and lonely and sad and making you feel really bad about yourself. It's like, you have to at some point, realize, like, okay, maybe this person is nice, you know, as a friend, but in terms of, you know, sexual relationship or romance like they're just not, they're not the match, they're not it. So avoidant partners, you know, if you're not avoidant, or if you're, you know, it's like, that's not going to work.

Myisha: Yeah, well, that brings me to a kind of sub question or, like, related question that actually came through from one of your followers, which was basically like, I'm the avoidant one! How do I stop being the drainer? I mean the exact question was, you know, how do I stop being avoidant? Any thoughts on that? If you're somebody who just finds themselves really recoiling, every time you think the relationship is getting serious?

Bri: I think when you find yourself, you know, getting a little anxious, or that's some that's, that's more inner work that needs to be done on a personal level. And it's like, looking for a partner who you know, and you know how that goes, right? Where it's like, the avoidant one tends to love like that nurturer or someone who's gonna, like, really come in and really come in strong and smothering and like, "Oh, I just, I love you so much," and you're like, ugh, like, you want to pull back. It's, it's, it's kind of like that cat, cat and mouse game. But I really think, you know, that person needs to take a step back and really be serious with themselves, like, what are you looking for in a partnership? And what aren't you allowing yourself? I think a huge part of that is vulnerability. And that's terrifying to people who are not used to being open or honest with what it is that they're looking for in their partnerships. So I would really highly recommend that person to do some deeper digging into what it is they feel is, you know, what feels too much for them and again, like finding a partner or, or dating people who are on the same wave, and I know that that sounds really hard, but it isn't, you know, I feel like people complicate dating way more than it needs to be.

Myisha: Yeah, well, with that, I just want to offer a reference for both sides of this. I mean, in psychology, there's this whole kind of deep vein of attachment styles, and you know what your attachment style is based on, you know, things that happened to you when you grew up and how you were cared for, or not cared for, how your needs were met or not met. And so those can result in some, you know, archetypes, if you will. And so a great book about this is called Attached. And for my clients who really struggle with like, you know, why do I do this, like, everybody else seems to have an easy time with this, but I just keep getting stuck in these patterns, I keep repeating, like, I'm just a generally attracted to people who aren't good for me, you know, that I do that I do think that that requires more inner work. And a good place is just to sort of start to explore these themes a little bit and start to to explore, you know, what attachment really means for you, and what you experience in dating, because it actually is, like, you know, a kind of energetic dynamic that we get into and can be kind of addictive in its quality, you know? I tell my clients who are used to dating avoidant people, that when they really want to switch that pattern, it's not going to feel as exciting to them, like on a physiological like body level. It's just not going to be the thing that they are used to, and they may have to get used to that, like sort of slow, consistent build up of somebody who's more securely attached, and there's learned secure, so you can learn to be more secure in yourself. I think that's something that people you know, they kind of like get this label, and then they're, like, "Well, I'm just anxious," or "Oh, I'm just avoidant." You can change, there are things that you can do, and part of that is sort of yeah, like you said, just doing the work. 

Bri: And I think that that, you know, that really kind of ties into even in tarot, I do tarot, I'm a professional tarot reader, and so when we think about like, the fool's journey, and we see like, we have the Minor Arcana, we have the Major Arcana, and these are like, major issues, or major themes and archetypes that play into our life and in the story of our lives. And I think that when people are so quick to identify and stick to that label, where it's like, I'm avoidant, I am unlovable, I'm, you know, I'm hypersexual, or I'm not, you know, it's like, there's always so much room to grow and to evolve and change. I feel like my dating style, you know, as I've been maturing, and in my life has changed immensely. You know, even on a spiritual level, like what I'm looking for, what I'm willing to tolerate, what I'm willing to date, or you know, who I'm willing to, in vest time into, it's important to me now. Whereas before, I would be like, "Oh, well, he's a bad boy, like, this is fun, like, it's great sex, and it's chaotic and it's so crazy," and then I'm like, "Ah, do I really want to date someone chaotic?" And, you know, like, you always have to wonder and second guess, like, are they cheating? Or are they doing this and it's like, that's not really fun. Like, it's fun when you know, you're, you're in a realm in a realm of chaos. We're meeting each other where we're both at, right? But when you're really ready to evolve, and I know this sounds just so witchy woowoo cliché, but it's like, you truly have to do that deeper inner work in loving yourself and truly loving yourself and knowing what you deserve and knowing like, you are worth everything that you want. And you can have that.

Myisha: Agree! Agree fully. I always try to tell people to like, if you see yourself as this person who's like, so capable of love, or like wants these things, there are other people out there who want very similar things, that there's going to be some alignment at some point. But it can be really hard to think that that's possible. But yeah, I definitely agree. Yeah. Let us move on to our next question, which is one that came from one of your Instagram followers. It's about sex and death. Let's take a listen.

Question 2: I'm grieving my partner who recently passed away. I'm devastated but I feel him everywhere. He was such a sensual, funny, present being. So I told myself that moving forward, I'm gonna believe that he's always right here with me, and nobody gets to come in unless they go through him first. He was in prison and I've been celibate for over two years now, but I was once highly sexual, and I used to be a stripper. Sex is a huge part of my experience this lifetime, especially when it comes to my light and shadow aspects. I thought about even leaving an offering of my lingerie to feel connected to him, but I don't know. I feel like I can't talk about this with anybody, because people will think I'm delusional. Do you have any advice for me?

Bri: This is so deep and layered. One thing I will say is that she really needs to make the decision. I guess grief comes for people in so many and presents itself in so many different ways, and I think that it really, this is just this is a little bit challenging, because in one, on one hand, it's like she's still grieving. She was really in love with this person. And the reality is this, is that you are still alive, and you're still living, so you have to give yourself an amount of time with your grief and how you want to honor this man who's transitioned, and is no longer with us in the physical realm. If she chooses that she doesn't want to date people, because of, you know, the ghost of her deceased partner, that's going to cause some blockages for her in dating, and she's saying that she was a really sexual person, and sex is important, you know, it's a release and, and it just seems like she's almost limiting herself and shutting her life out because she's not really healed from the, you know, she's still grieving. So, to me, this just sounds like grief and it's almost like masked like, well, I don't know what to do and I think that when you start healing, and really dealing with the layers of your grief, then maybe you will be open. And I think there are ritualistic ways to honor your deceased loved one, while also enjoying a full life. And also, when you feel ready, moving forward and opening yourself up to a new person sexually. And maybe that doesn't happen, you know, within the year, or maybe that doesn't happen another two years, it's like, we can't really put a time limit on when you feel ready to have sex with someone else. But I would even recommend that you give yourself a space to honor him, if that's an altar in a private part of your home, you can still talk to him. But I really think it would be a little bit unhealthy to completely cut yourself off from dating. You know, what if you find someone that you're really into, and you're like, you know, oh, no, like, he hasn't met my spirit boyfriend yet, like he hasn't met my partner from the other side. Like, it gets tricky. So I really, really think that she needs to take a step back and find a healthy outlet for grieving her partner, you know and again, like there are ways that you can build altars in memory of him and honoring his spirit, but just telling him even out loud, like, you know, I love you, I cherish the relationship that we had, but I want to move on in my life and that doesn't mean that I will not remember you and honor what we had. But when she's ready to move forward, I think that, you know, she shouldn't feel any guilt surrounding that. 

Myisha: Yeah, I agree. I think that what we're hearing is really like, the culmination of so many things, right? Like, being estranged from your partner for two years due to incarceration, you know, then losing that person. So that's, it's like that promise of maybe seeing them again, is gone. Right? So that bond is really, is truly, truly broken. And, you know, that's true for a lot of folks who lose, lose partners. I've never gone through this experience. I know people who have and I know people who really carry the memory of their past spouse or long term partner with them throughout, you know, their, their dating. And you're right, like that can look a lot of different ways. She mentions, you know, making an offering of her lingerie, so maybe, like, set up an altar that has, like, you know, the, like his favorite lingerie that you used to wear, you know, in remembrance of that connection that you had with one another. And I think you're right, like maybe after a certain point, there will need to be an additional conversation that's like, I love you and also. I mean, I think about death a lot. And so, I think about what would happen if you know my partner died. I know in my heart of hearts that he would want me to have a full life after him, and that's an expression of his love. So that's something that I think this person can also think about is that like, if you know this, this bond is so powerful, think about what that person would really want for you and the rest of your life.

Bri: Absolutely! 

Myisha: And how sex was such a thing that you shared. And that brought so much joy to both of you. There's no way he doesn't know that.

Bri: Exactly and especially with her being a dancer, right? I think that sensuality and sex is a huge component. And honestly, when we deal with spirit, right, when people passing over, one of the things, one thing that I guess I would want to say for her is like, you don't, you want him to transition on. You want him to be happy, you want him to enjoy his transition, and he probably is like, you know, checking in on her, she says she can feel his presence. And if she's in the state of grief, and she's like, I don't want to date anyone, and I feel guilty and I need first of all, we don't need to leave any of our deceased relatives offerings. I think we can leave them and maybe that's just the wrong word, but it's like, you don't need to leave an offering, like a deity, you know, it's like, he was a human that transitioned. So he, you know, we can leave on, you know, we can leave on the altar, like very fun or specific things, if it's drinks, if it's water, if it's things, but we're not necessarily leaving them offerings. We're leaving this as a memory like in memory of, but I wouldn't say like, you have to leave him like regular offerings, right. We're not like, necessarily having to feed him an offering. I just think like, I don't know, my, even my psychic senses right now, kind of like, tapping into this situation. I really, really want her to be able to heal and to live a full life and, and to honor him and but just to find some closure and some peace so that he can transition on too with peace.

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Myisha: We're gonna take a quick break. But when we come back, we're going to talk about rituals, and practices for your sex and dating life. And if you've been listening and want to send a question my way for some advice, drop me an email at sex life at kcrw dot org.

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Myisha: All right, we're back. Bri, like I mentioned earlier, you have a new book called Blood Sex Magic. What's the wildest thing that either you or a client has manifested through sex magic? Because I have, I have some examples that I've heard but I want to hear from you first.

Bri: I would have to say, I mean, the wildest thing? Well, I did, I kind of put this in my book. So I did have an I Love Lucy type moment with magic, like a sexual magic spell that I did when I was much younger. And I ended up manifesting a very obsessive person, like a guy. And I was just so freaked out, like, oh my god, like, and it just, I go obviously, into more detail, but long story short, I ended up doing a sex magic ritual, like much, much younger, I didn't really know what I was doing. So I was kind of just going in with a vague intention and ended up really attracting like, that whole entire month, just some of the most bizarre and like, obsessive men, and one of them sent me a letter in his blood. 

Myisha: Woah!

Bri: And so I was like, I reached out to one of my elders, and I was like, "What do I do? Like, how do I fix this?" And it kind of reminded me of that movie, The Craft, I don't know if you remember that from like, the 90s? And it was like, "What do I do? Like how do I how do I undo this," and she's just like, you're gonna have to just let it you know, let it flow through it has to work its course and eventually it did and I did some reversal work but it really put into perspective like, you are powerful and you know, when you really are going into magic, and I tell people this, how you're approaching your energy and how you're utilizing that like, that is really like, go into it knowing what exactly it is that you want. There should be no vague intention or, you know, your willy-nilly just like oh, this looks like fun! I want to manifest a million dollars or you know, just vaguely kind of throwing things out. It doesn't work that way. So when we think about sex magic, or any magic as a form of practice, it's just that. It's a practice. You know, if anyone, if we're using our orgasms as a form of, as a tool for manifestation, everyone would be doing it, right? So it's like you have to practice. It is a ritual, it is an art. It is a practice.

Myisha: Yeah, I heard from someone that they manifested a Vespa through sex magic, so that one was really kind of funny to me. And then I know people who have ritualized sex when they were having difficulty trying to conceive, and through the practice of sex magic had their child, which was, you know, maybe a little more like, you know, mundane in the fact that like to have a baby, you have to have sex, but I think it was really the like, period of time where they really struggled. And then like when they started making their sex life more focused on like, the sex magic piece, that's when it happened for them.

Bri: Well, a huge part of my practice too, and thinking about conception, right? It's like, the birth of an idea or a physical human child, calling out into the realm of spirit, and calling that spirit to your body to conceive a child. I think that's like, pretty magical! It's pretty amazing, right? And I think so many people, you know, during sex, even if it's not for procreation, if you're utilizing your orgasm for the creation of a new job, or a new art project, I think that's really beautiful because when we're thinking about sex, in general, it's like it is the act of creation, right? Like, or just, even and I don't like to say that in like, such a, like, heteronormative way where it's like, we're having sex for procreation. It's like, no, I'm like, having sex to create my reality or creating that, you know, this project or this art. It's like, it's giving birth. So I really love using that energy to manifest the things that I want. I like, I love that word too, it's like, I'm gonna manifest it because we hear that so much right? Where everyone's like manifest manifest!

Myisha: Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. And it's the, my my friend who, you know, did manifest their, their baby did exactly what you mentioned. I mean, she was working with a lot of spiritual healers, and they were all telling her like, yeah, your baby's energy is, is with you now, like, this is the time, this is the most potent time for you to try. And maybe the reason why it was difficult before is that they weren't quite quite ready, they weren't quite close enough to you yet, for you know this to happen. So, yeah, I think that practice really brought a lot of peace and joy to the process of conception. Another thing I wanted to share is that like, I think of sex energy and creative energy as just basically the same. So I work with a lot of creatives and when there's blockages in their sex life, there's often like, feelings of that in their practice, or vice versa, when they're blocked in their creative practice. It has the spillover effect, and the flip side of that is when you open one side up, then you also like allow that energy to flow more from one side to the other. So that's really been cool in my work to see. Do you see that often? 

Bri: Absolutely and I even see it with my own, my own practice. Like when I'm feeling sexually blocked, or if I'm not having enough sex, like I'm very grumpy and like, I feel blocked and I feel not very creative. I don't feel beautiful. I don't feel attractive. And I recently, well it wasn't that recently, it was like, a year or so ago, I bought a hula hoop. And I started doing like, more play like fun things that were like, connected to my inner child, and connected to the sacral, and connected to like my root chakra and like really opening up so it wasn't just about like, masturbation or you know, things like that. It was more so like opening up the hips, especially for like women, opening up your hips and breathing very deeply and dance and like I always joke with my girlfriend, we're like we do sacred twerk. So it's like putting on like music and just being sexy like being naked and like dancing in the mirror or like just doing a really like, fun, you know, just hip openers! Things that really move that energy. You'll see such a difference like, even if you're just twerking in your living room or like your bedroom, it really opens you up and opens up energy. So hula hoops, twerking, all of it. It's magic.

Myisha: Well that is a perfect segue to the next set of questions that I have for you. We really want to go through some of the themes that emerged from all of the questions that you got. And then see, from your perspective, if you have a suggested ritual or practice for each of them. Are you open to that? 

Bri: Yeah, I love that 

Myisha: Okay, I want to start with cultivating and finding sexual energy within partnership, and yourself, because you just mentioned one way to potentially tap into it for yourself. So how do you extend that into like, we got a lot of questions, for instance, about like, oh, I've been in a relationship for a while, and things feel really stale and like, or we're just not as sexually creative as we used to be.

Bri: My favorite thing is dressing up! Like role playing. It's so much fun, like my partner and I, we were in New York, and we went to this really, like, fancy, very elegant restaurant. And he just turned it on where it was, like, he pretended he didn't know me, like, we were just sitting at the table. And he, like, started calling me this, like, different name. And he was like, going by a different name. And it was really hot. And we were just having this like, really sexy conversation at the table. And people were looking at us like, oh, okay! Like, this must be like a new couple and it was so much fun. And I think transforming yourself into characters like dressing up. And you know, and it doesn't have to be something cheesy, either, like a naughty, like, school girl, but that's really fun, too! So I think, you know, finding just, I know, it can get a little bit awkward, especially when you've been in a long term relationship, or if there's kids that are involved, and you're like, well, we have to plan it, like, send the kids to your grandma, you know, to grandma's house. And then like, you're so tired, depending on how small the children are, and where you're just like, fuck, like, we just want to watch TV and like, drink wine and just do nothing. But you have to pull yourself out of that rut and sometimes it's doing a staycation, like getting a hotel in the same city. And, you know, one of you dresses up, or one of you shows up and pretends to be someone else. So I think just little things like that are so much fun, or just really step outside of the realm of what is your comfort bubble. And I think that you have to be with a partner who is interested in also investing the same amount of energy, because if you're the one who is initiating all of these things, and you feel kind of silly, it's not gonna be that fun. So you need the partner to join in, if it's going to be partnered play. And I'm also I'm such an advocate for toys, and I love buying new toys, and I have like, tons of them. And my partner and I like we love playing with toys together. And like, I'll see things that I think are really great for him or things that I want him to wear, and he sees things that he wants me to wear. So it's like, it's really exciting. Like, that's, that's how you keep it fun.

Myisha: Yes, I agree. And I love the point that you made about like, making the time and the space for it, it may not feel super convenient to do that, but it's actually part of like breaking the routine, you know, because I do think as human beings, we get really just sort of acclimated and like cozy in our lane and like not up for deviating too much from the norm. And so, like, I feel like staycations sometimes have saved some of my couples, you know, just because, like vacation sex is real, you know, you're out your, your, your trip to New York is case in point, like you are inspired by new stimuli, you know, there's more to respond to and like be curious about or be like, yeah, we could be totally different people here. Like, who knows us? Nobody! This is fun. We could do whatever, we can wear wherever! 

Bri: And I feel like even too like, as a mom, it's like, moms, you know, our bodies go through so many different changes. And I know so many of my friends, like after they have new babies they're like, "I don't feel sexy anymore, like I don't," you know, and I'm like, you look so gorgeous! Like this is the time where you really should be playing up all of your new like features and your like bigger boobs or you know, it's like, there's just so much, so many things that you can really play up and I think that you know, once you get out of that feeling of like self consciousness, and that's why I said like jumping into a different role, it's so much more fun because it takes you out of your body.

Myisha: Mhm, I love that. There were so many people who wrote in expressing that, they're like, what dating life? What sex life? Like, what are you even talking about Bri? They really, you know, what came through in a lot of the questions was the sense of loneliness, and not really knowing what to do with it. So are there any spells, rituals, practices that can ease loneliness?

Bri: You know, I felt so, this is the thing too, it's like if you're feeling lonely, don't date. I know that that sounds counterintuitive! I'm not joking. It sounds counterintuitive, but when you're feeling really lonely, the type of energy and the people that you attract it, it almost feels like it opens you up to settling. So I think like, getting into a comfortable space of solitude, and like doing cool things by yourself, I really think sets you up and put you in places to like, meet interesting people. Like I loved, prior to dating, and prior to having a partner now, I loved being single! Like I love going to restaurants alone, I love, like with a book, and sitting at like a really nice bar, because I ended up meeting some of the most interesting people and having sex with them. 

Myisha: Same! Same! 

Bri: But it's like I love like, I just love like, adventurous sex, like, but not desperate, or like, I'm lonely and I'm gonna, like go on Tinder and like date a guy from that, because, you know, whatever I'm, like, ew. I just got into a space where I was like, you know, like, I like being single. I like being by myself. I like seeing movies. So I think, you know, yes, there are, there's so many people who are lonely and like just feeling just over, you know, the dating realm right now. And I think this is the time where you should really be embracing that and finding what are your non negotiables and not settling! So find a new way. I think the ritual in this is going out and challenging yourself to enjoy the time that you have alone. And if that's solo pleasure, if it's solo play, if it's buying yourself new outfits, new toys, experimenting, you know, these this is your really your time to shine. And if you're really that lonely get a dog too, because they're more fun than settling for a crappy partner.

Myisha: More fluffy too. 

Bri: You know, it's like get a pet or like, get a plant. Do something else with your time. But like, you know, I don't know, I think we all get lonely from time to time. But in the realm of like I said sex and dating, please don't. Don't date from loneliness. 

Myisha: Yeah, yeah. Well, that shift from loneliness to solitude, like, that is a big distinction, you know, for people to make. Am I lonely? Or am I just alone? And like, there's, there's a, there's an energetic difference between the two. And I definitely I have gone out feeling very lonely and desperate, and, and not have been as successful as my comfortably quietly accepting of my solitude phases, you know, but I've gone out being like, I really need to get laid. And then it's just like, it was more just like crickets, because like, I didn't, I wasn't attracting people with that. And there are people who probably would be attracted to that. I'm kind of grateful that I didn't, you know. Not to say that I haven't hooked up with people when I was really desperate. 

Bri: Oh yeah, I was like, I've been there and done that and it was always like, I'm serious! It's like a tried and true, like, and I say this all the time where I'm like, if you just get out of a relationship or breakup, and you have that energy, sometimes it's like, really fun, and it's like people call it the rebound energy. That's fun! But when you're like in a heartbroken space, and you're just kind of like I'm lonely and I want to find someone it's like you meet the worst. I'm like 100% convinced of it and even when I'm like, in a bad mental space and I meet someone, when I've met someone where I've been like on you know, in a darker space with like, drinking or partying or things like that, like the the guys that I've met and the women I've met in that space. Ugh, like they've all turned out to be like nightmares, right? But it's always when I'm like, happy with myself. And again, I know this sounds so boring and so cliche, but it's so true. Like, when you're at peace with just coming home and having your little skincare routine and your show and like you're you know, you're vibing you go on vacations with your friends. It's like where you're not really prioritizing meeting the one, or the person, or the people, it's like, that's when they start coming. Because you're really, like you're really in your zone, like you're in your vibe, and you're not really worried about anyone else. And I think that's what's so attractive. When I see people who are just so happy with their own life and they have a full like, they have their friends and you know, they're going out or even if I just see people who are, you know, men or women, whatever, it's just out and doing their thing. That's so attractive to me! 

Myisha: Yeah. Yeah, I totally, totally agree. Well, it's been so great having you and chatting with you about this stuff. I don't know if you've picked up but I'm pretty woo and love doing, you know, at least like exploring what's possible with sexual energy, and, you know, thinking about it a little bit like outside of the kind of normal mainstream, like, these are the ways that you know, you should be feeling or the ways that you should be interacting with other people when it comes to sex. I like to think about the more esoteric aspects of it. So, before you go, where can people find you on socials or IRL?

Bri: You can find me on Instagram as The Hood Witch. My website is The Hood Witch dot com and pretty much everything else is The Hood Witch but um, yeah, just please continue supporting my site and my book, and I'm so grateful to be a guest today. And thank you so much for having me.

Myisha: It was a pleasure. 

[MUSIC] 

Myisha: That's it for today! Thanks for listening. If you want advice about sex, dating or relationships, send me an email or voice memo at sex life at kcrw dot org. Your question might be answered in a future episode. 

Myisha: “How's Your Sex Life?” is a KCRW original podcast. Our producer is Andrea Bautista. Our executive producer is Gina Delvac. Our engineer is Nick Lampone. Our music was created by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs. Special thanks to Women's Audio Mission, KUOW, Arielle Torrez, Malorie McCall, Adam Serrano, Connie Alvarez, Arnie Seipel, and Jennifer Ferro. And as always a big thanks to our voice actors. We'll let them introduce themselves on the way out.

Voice actor 1: This is Zacile Rosette. Thanks for listening!

Voice actor 2: This is Adria Kloke. See you next time for another episode of How’s Your Sex Life.