I love my vibrator full transcript

Anna Lee: There's been a lot of challenges I think this is the first time we've ever experienced being having this like really online dating be so the main focus of how we find partners and so it's difficult because you can easily lose hope or being like, oh, you know what everyone's sucks here or whatever, but maybe if you are looking for a cesspool [laughter] I've heard tinder is a good one for it!

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Myisha Battle: Welcome back to KCRW's ‘How's Your Sex Life?’, your sex and dating survival guide. I'm your host Myisha Battle and I'm here to remind you that being vulnerable with your partner is a good thing. And it actually makes sex so much better. Today, we're gonna hear from listeners who need advice on dating apps and sex toys. And I'm here with Anna Lee. Thanks for being here, Anna!

Anna: Thanks for having me! I'm very excited.

Myisha: Yes, it's exciting to be here with you in San Francisco. We just found out we were like very close neighbors.

Anna: I know, we gotta go on walks or something.

Myisha: We could, yes! And talk about, maybe not sex, not not work related walks.

Anna: We can talk some shit! [Laughter]

Myisha: Okay, let's talk some shit. Shit walks! [Laughter] Anna, you're the co-founder and head of engineering at Lioness Health where you create smart vibrators that can track orgasms. Lioness has been on my radar for years and it's been amazing to see your research about orgasms spread throughout the internet, and also to see how people are using the data to help them understand their bodies, and also in really creative ways. Like I've seen people create music out of their data. So you know, we sorely needed Lioness, so thank you.

Anna: Oh, I appreciate it! Those are super kind words because it's a crazy journey and a crazy industry to be a part of, but yeah, orgasm science is like such a fascinating part of it so I'm excited about it.

Myisha: Yes, yes. Well, before we dive into our listener questions, I have a question for you.

Anna: Yes. Ask away!

Myisha: How's your sex life?

Anna: My sex life? Ooh, I would say it's quite, it's always an ebb and flow. I think also, because, so we've been doing this company for like nine years. So there's a lot of things where you feel, for example, just masturbation alone, the pressure to masturbate sometimes makes it feel sometimes like work and then sometimes you're like, oh, I'm just gonna do it for fun and then you kind of like, analyze it afterwards, and you're like, what did I think about that sex toy? And it becomes work again?

Myisha: Yeah.

Anna: So I go through ebbs and flows of like, sometimes it's totally enjoyable. Sometimes I can only focus it on, like a perception of work? But sex life, I think, yeah, I feel like the longer I've been in this field, it's I've gotten so curious. It's one of those feelings of like, the more you know about something, the less you know about anything in this world?

Myisha: That's right, yeah.

Anna: So I started getting so curious about everything about this realm of like, different kings, different fetishes, and like, I don't know, and just like being very curious and exploring, which has been really, really a fun time for me.

Myisha: Yeah! Okay, I love that! And yeah, I've been in this business for around the same time and I was on the car ride over here thinking about how just talking about and thinking about sex all the time, like it has to impact how you experience your sex life in some positive ways, and maybe some negative ways.

Anna: Yeah!

Myisha: And I think right now I'm in that like, ooh, I think there's some disconnect between me and my sexuality based on like, how deep I go with people with their own sexualities. And it's kind of interesting to like, pause and be like, whoa, here I am!

Anna: Yeah, like, you have to kind of do self work, because a lot of times you're, you know, giving advice to other people, or you're talking about it from like a holistic perspective. And then sometimes you have to be like, oh, you know what? I'm not taking care of my own self. Or I'm not like, doing the whole mind body connection thing sometimes? I do that so often and I have to tell myself, like, I can't tell people things without me doing it myself. So I always have to kind of come back to it. But you know, I think the perception everyone has is like, "Oh, the sex industry must be super fun!,” which it is in a lot of ways. But sometimes you're like, okay, but I have to be good to myself too at the same time.

Myisha: Yeah! And we've talked to a lot of guests who have said, and that means sometimes, like taking a break from sex or, you know, like, taking time to really reflect and not, you know, focus on partnered sex so much and all of that. So, yeah, it ebbs and flows for us, just as it ebbs and flows for —

Anna: Human life!

Myisha: The people we serve! Yeah! All right. Well, let's get into our first question. I know you're no stranger to destigmatizing talking about sex. So I'm really excited to get your take on this. We're going to hear some questions from our listeners, but then we're also going to get some that your audience submitted. So yeah, let's hear our first question and as a reminder, our questions are voiced by actors to keep everyone anonymous.

Question 1: Hey Myisha, my question is which dating app should I be using? I hate them all and the whole process is frustrating!

Anna: To be honest, I don't I'm not super well versed in the dating app world. There's always new ones coming out, which I think is fascinating.

Myisha: Yeah.

Anna: I was on like, way back when Tinder first came out, which I've heard Tinder is very different now. Some people call it a cesspool, but I don't know anything about it!

Myisha: Accurate. [Laughter]

Anna: I know, there's like Bumble. And actually, you know, what the, the one that I think is the most interesting, especially I think, within the realm of sex and finding compatibilities and things like that is probably Feeld. I've heard such incredible things about Feeld, and yeah, maybe that one would be the one that I like in terms of it goes more in depth in terms of like preferences, and you know, like sex can be a big part of a relationship if you want it to be. And so if that's something that's important to you, I think that's, it's a really great way to kind of gauge like different preferences, things that you're looking for and what the other person is looking for. And I always thought that was like a really nice twist to finding relationships. But dating apps, I feel you, that's a tough one. I'm not sure you have a good answer beyond try them all, unfortunately.

Myisha: Yeah. Are you partnered? And so that's never...

Anna: Yeah, I'm partnered now so it's, it's tough to say honestly, I don't know.

Myisha: Yeah, I mean, so I work with clients who are trying to figure out what is the best dating app for me? And I think that's a good question rather than, like, which dating app should I be using? Like, I can't tell you go here.

Anna: Yeah, yeah.

Myisha: So yeah, I want to know more from this person. And if you are the person who wrote this question in and you want additional feedback, let me know what your long term dating goals are. If you want a partner, if you want partners? Do you have a faith that you follow that you would like your partner to be aligned with or at least like, open to? Racial background? Like there's so many ways and so many apps out there that address different needs. There are a couple great ones out there for people with disabilities. There was that advertisement on, a long time ago, for like Meet Farmers or something?

Anna: Yeah! I was gonna say the same thing, like even farmers! There's Farmers Only!

Myisha: Farmers Only! That's the one! [Laughter] Yeah, so there's, there's an app for you. Some people might say there's there's no app, that's good, and I fall a little bit on the moderate side, where I believe that technology has done so much for us to bring us together, and, you know, date people across racial backgrounds and across faith and across even political ideologies. Maybe not so much now, but there's data to support that all of that happened more when we introduced online dating. So I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are some definitely, like bad parts of dating apps that this person might be frustrated by. A big one is just the total, like there's just so many people, it's overwhelming. You don't know who has a live account or not. You're matching with people, they're falling off, they're ghosting you. There's breadcrumbing like there's all these like things that we're dealing with that detract from the main priority, which is finding partnership, finding companionship, finding activity buddies, finding sex buddies, whatever you're looking for. And I think the other major big factor that people are frustrated by is that these companies need to make money.

Anna: Yeah.

Myisha: And their product is you. And so they're putting the best features behind paywalls, they're monetizing your experience, they're selling data, like there's very, there's not good practices going on.

Anna: Yeah, and I think it's tough because you know, you don't know if they have the best interest of they want you to find a partner and then you know, move off the app, like I think there's been a lot of challenges I think this is the first time we've ever experienced being having this like really online dating be so the main focus of how we find partners and so I think it's all learning and I totally understand the frustration of it. And yeah, you're just being shown so many people and you're gonna find how different every person is and so it's, it's difficult because you can easily lose hope or being like oh, you know what, everyone's sucks here or whatever, but maybe if you are looking for a cesspool, I've heard Tinder's a good one!

Myisha: I like to date in cesspools! I love the scumbags there!

Anna: They're never gonna sponsor us anymore! [Laughter]

Myisha: That's okay. I'm fine with that. [Laughter] Okay, so these are things to think about when you are looking for a dating app, you know, I think it's good to remember that if you're not finding success on one dating app, it's probably not for you and just move on. It's not you. It's probably the app. And lately, I have been referring people back to OkCupid because of their, like, low key matching algorithm, and it's not as in your face. You can download the desktop version, it doesn't have to be on your phone! That might provide some relief for this question asker.

Anna: Yeah, I love it.

Myisha: All right, Anna. Our next question is from one of our listeners, but many of your followers actually had variations on the same question, so let's listen.

Question 2: Hey, I'm wondering how I could introduce sex toys into my love life. My husband and I have been together for about 30 years. We have pretty good sex, but we're both about to be 50 and it's not as easy for me to always orgasm. I'm also in the best shape of my life, and I'm feeling a lot more confident and I want a lot more sex than he does. I feel like I might hurt his feelings or make him feel less than by bringing it up. And by the way, I'm still pretty new to the sex toy game. I bought my first one a few years ago and now I have three different ones, which I really enjoy. Please tell me how to avoid the weirdness!

Anna: Yes!

Myisha: Okay, what do you think about this trying to avoid the weirdness issue?

Anna: It's probably the most common question we get like, it's the most like question we get of like 'Oh, I want to buy one, but I'm not sure if my significant others gonna feel comfortable with all of this.' And I always start with research first. Like there's been many research, especially the one that I quote all the time, I always joke that I'm going to print it out and laminate and put in my wallet and just show it to people all the time because it's, it's probably the one that I quote the most. It was led by Deborah Herbenick back in 2010 and she surveyed, in the US, women that owned vibrators and what their sexual satisfaction all of that is. And it was shown in the data, like the statistical significance of people that owned a vibrator and their partner knew that they owned a vibrator and like that they owned one, always had like higher, in the FSSI scale of like the female sexual function index of like better orgasms, better arousal, better just relationships, sexual satisfaction, just everything above. So I always tell people, just from like a research perspective, like sex toys, it's because you're introducing something where you're creating communication, you're creating comfort and talking about your sexual preferences and all of that. I think that's incredible. Obviously, that's not a fun, like, you can't just I don't know, you're not going to probably like whip out a research, I would but not everyone's going to be like, here's a research paper, like something like that. But I always say like, at the end of the day sex should be is something that's fun for people. And so the best way to do it is I think an introduction where it doesn't have to feel like a hard or like a very serious conversation. I always say like, even if you have these sex toys, like I would even bring up something like, "Hey, I have like a really fun date night idea, like, I want to let's go check out this like sex toy shop that I've always passed by. I'm just curious, I always wanted to check it out. But I'm too scared to go alone," something like that. And then so you can go in and you don't have to even buy anything, but it's just the fun of pointing, laughing, and being like, well, that's something I've never seen before, that looks really wild, or this one looks really interesting. And just touching and playing with it. I think that creates a level of fun intimacy that can create that conversation of like, "Oh, would you ever want to try something like this," or kind of start that conversation? But I think. I get it. I think the challenge is it feels scary, even if you've been with a partner for a long time, or it's a new partner, it's scary to start being like, hey, like, I need this sex toy and maybe the other person will feel like, what you're saying is you're you're not good enough or whatever. And that's always never the case! And I think it's just being very clear of being like, "Oh, it's just something that I really like using. I think it'd be really fun if we add it to kind of our routine."

Myisha: Yeah!

Anna: So I always say like, keep it light and fun. And then kind of seed the idea of like, oh, it's just a, it's a sense of play. It's a sense of touching. It's a sense of feeling and all yeah, all of that.

Myisha: Mhm. Yeah and getting someone to experience that because this person has had some experiences with different kinds of vibrators at this point. Congrats!

Anna: Yeah, I know! I love it!

Myisha: Yeah! I know you lit up when you were like first vibrator! Yeah, it's important that our partners also see what could potentially delight us and see what lights us up. So it could be that going to a shop and having those experiences and seeing that like you're playing around with a toy and being like, "Oh, I like that!," could help them understand, "Oh, that's a sensation that she likes. It's not that I'm being replaced by this, but it's something that she can get from this that I can't provide and that's okay because there's maybe some toys over here, for me that I might enjoy too!," and that would be really helpful for bringing the two of you a little closer together, instead of feeling like you're, you know, on opposite sides of this debate here. One thing I wanted to point out is that because this person is over 50, and she's, you know, noticed that she has decreased sensitivity or is not, it's not as easy to orgasm as it maybe used to be for her, it's really also great to chat about that with your partner. Because sometimes that could be the way into them understanding that you need different sensitivity, you know, like, you need different sensation, because your sensitivity has changed, right? And it's difficult because they're having all of these experiences, which are new and shocking to them. And then their partner is over here being like, what's wrong? What am I doing? Why aren't we like, why has our sex life changed? And without that bridge of information it's very difficult to have productive conversations about what to do.

Anna: Yeah, yeah! And I think I agree, it's all so embedded in conversation, right? Like, a lot of this is like, you have to have the conversation. Maybe send him this podcast episode. Like that sex toys, and I'm, even in my industry of me building sex toys for a living, like sex toys are not a competitor, it's a collaborator and it's so much, it's never going to replace a human in my opinion, unless you want it to, that's totally fine. That's totally up to you, but I would say for people with partners and things like that, that feel like oh, if she's using the sex toy, then that means she doesn't want to have sex with me and like, all these things, is not true. I think it's, it's two very different sensations, like I'm not my partner doesn't vibrate. I like the sensation of vibrations. So why not bring that into something that feels really good for me, or can help me have better orgasms like all of that. And so I always tell people like sex toys are collaborators, not competitors, like, really big emphasis on it. And I again, I think it's bringing the conversation, it's an element of fun versus like something that feels like a replacement, or you're not doing something good enough like, it's an added fun!

Myisha: Yeah, I agree. I agree. [Laughter] Okay, we're gonna take a quick break, but when we return, we'll be answering a few more questions lightning round style. And if you want advice about sex or dating, drop us an email or voice memo at sex life at kcrw dot org.

BREAK

Myisha: And we're back! Anna, you posted a call out on your socials and got a bunch of great questions. So I think we can go through a few in a lightning round. Are you down?

Anna: Okay, how lightning are we talking?

Myisha: Oh, not super fast! But like, we don't have to go as in depth as we have been getting.

Anna: Cuz I talk a lot! So I'm just making sure that I'm —

Myisha: Ok! I'll rein you in if I need to.

Anna: Okay, perfect!

Myisha: Okay, great. Let's hear 'em.

Anna Lee: Okay! Let's see. How can I navigate period sex beyond the basics and learn how to take away the messiness and keep it sexy and playful.

Myisha: Oh! I have one suggestion for this.

Anna: Go for it!

Myisha: There's a company called Flex. Do you know them?

Anna: Mhm!

Myisha: Okay, so they make a period disk and they sent me some and I was mystified. [Laughs] Have you tried them?

Anna: I have not actually!

Myisha: Okay. So do you use period cups?

Anna: No, nothing!

Myisha: Okay. All right, so this is not going to be lightning. It's going to be a little bit of a deep dive here, but you know menstrual cups are like, they're, I like them, but they take up a large part of the vaginal cavity.

Anna: The fun space.

Myisha: The fun space! Yeah! Disks don't. The disks go, and they basically provide like a shield right underneath the cervix, and so there's like, there's room to play.

Anna: Yes!!

Myisha: Like you said, the play space, the fun space is not obstructed by your menstrual product. And so there's a light film that is basically serves as the cup. And so if you're someone who uses tampons or something like that, like when you're ready to have sex, it's like hang on, I gotta go, you know, so you can avoid that completely and also feel confident that you are having sex that is going to be leak, pretty much leak free, unless you like haven't emptied it in a while. Be sure that you empty it first and then have sex. But that's my like, just go to I think this could be a really easy way for this person to take away some of the um, anxiety around messy periods.

Anna: Yeah, I mean, honestly, I think you answered it perfectly. I don't really have much to add. The only thing is if it does end up getting messy like, I think go with I think always I say like, go with the flow, which I guess is a little cute thing about periods. But like going with the flow of like, yeah, like maybe it gets a little messy. I think that's something that is expected and it can happen. Totally fine. Just make it simple. Just keep moving on or take a pause, take the sheets off, whatever you need to do that makes you feel comfortable to continue or, you know, maybe it's yeah, whatever helps you feel like you can keep moving forward without feeling like oh my gosh, like this is so embarrassing or anything like that. Or, you know, you can make it into a cool fun vampire roleplay, which I think is also a really cool way to play. So.

Myisha: Embrace it.

Anna Lee: Yeah, embrace it! I love it.

Myisha: Yeah, I'm a big fan of a sex towel. But also, blood makes a decent lube.

Anna: I agree! [Laughs]

Myisha: So I'm just putting that out there.

Anna: So maybe our answer is vampire sex. [Laughs]

Myisha: Okay, vampire sex and done. [Laughter]

Anna: Okay, next one. I recently queefed during sex with my boyfriend and I was mortified and couldn't get back into sex because I was so embarrassed. How can I prevent queefs from happening again?

Myisha: Queefs happen.

Anna: Queefs are! Okay, I'm even laughing because I, it is a little funny, like, it's, it's I'm not going to say like, oh, let's be very serious about it. Like, it's a funny thing that can happen! I definitely remember when I was like in my teens and I was like having sex and it was like very new for me and I queefed once, and I was so mortified, and I was already like, very scared of my own body. I was very, like, I was definitely not the person I am today. And I was like, tearing up and you know, my boyfriend's like laughing. And I'm like, more like, horrified. I was like, oh my god, like, he's gonna tell his friends or I'm like, it's just such, it felt so embarrassing. I think for me, if it happens now, and it's literally, it's not a fart, it's air being pushed into your vaginal canal. And then and so to me, like, I would make it, I would elevate it, and make it even sexier and being like, you know what, that's how I know you're fucking me so good, just simple things to make it easy to move on. Or if it's funny, and you guys both start laughing, that's also very cute and you create a very cute, intimate moment, but I would just embrace it and just make it even sexier going full force in it or just have a good laugh together.

Myisha: Mhm! Yeah! There are people who are more prone to queefing. So that's one of the reasons why I say queefs happen. And you know, you might have a body that's more prone to like taking in that air during sex, or during the yoga class, you know, you get in different postures, your leg goes in one area, and then it goes up and then comes back down. And poof, you've queefed. Who knows. But the point is, is that it's a natural bodily function, and it can be funny, it can be sexy. I love that you brought that it could be sexy into the conversation because it absolutely can be. And when it comes to queefing during sex, it's a shared activity! You didn't make yourself queef on your own! Yeah, you like queefed because there was something fun going on! So acknowledge that.

Anna: Totally totally. Yeah, I would, yeah 100 percent lean into it. Oh, maybe we should call it poofs though, after you said that, the yoga thing I was like, that's actually a way cuter term than queefing in my opinion! [Laughter] Okay, um, how can I explore my sexuality as someone that came from a conservative society with no sex ed?

Myisha: One could argue that we all came from a conservative society with no sex ed, but I also want to acknowledge that there are degrees to this, right? And some of us came up with like, poor sex ed, but at least it was something and then there are some folks who for instance, like had their parents write a note saying that they could not receive anything, right? Even if they went to a public school they could have opted out so yes, there are degrees of this. Have you had to navigate this in your work at all?

Anna: Well, I would say, so personally for me because I was saying previously of that I was like really scared of my body. I grew up in Korea 'till I was seven. I grew up in a very conservative religious Korean family where we one, never talked about sex the only I remember like one time my mom was like, if anything ever happens, like you have, and she didn't say what it was, she was just like, you better tell me like, she's like, it doesn't matter how much trouble you're gonna get into, but it's worse if you don't tell me, I don't know, she said something like that and it just like, hung in my head and she like brought up you know, like, the idea of God, just all of these things. And I just remember it hanging in my head for so long. And the first time I remember like, very explicitly masturbating as like when I was like, young as a kid, and I was like, I've just done something that's the greatest sin and I felt so much shame. So I grew up in a really like, where I felt very scared of my body. I didn't feel like I like deserved sexual pleasure for myself. And so I totally understand. I think, for me, what helped the most was actually separating the idea of sex and sexuality from it being sexy. I don't know if that makes sense, but it was like I was so when I saw it from like, a really sexy point of view or like, if I watched porn, I remember feeling very like, well, this isn't me as a person. And I'm so like, I don't I don't identify with this, or I would get so nervous, it would make me really nervous about being very sexy. And so I had to take it from just learning it from a purely educational standpoint, and it's why I like believe in the research side and understanding it from like a science background. Like all these things are so important, because it was learning about how the vulva worked, how the vagina worked, what it looked like, anatomically, what it works like, um what are their statistics on, like, how many people have orgasms? Or how many people, like just learning it like that made me feel so confidently knowledgeable in the space. And I think that's what we're missing, right is like such a gap in sex education, or we have such a weird sex education, that's like, always, I don't know, I think everyone has horror stories about sex ed. And so I had to learn it from like, such an educational perspective for me to find my own sexuality and feel very comfortable in my own body.

Myisha: That's excellent advice. And that's why sex educators, counselors, coaches, therapists exist because it's, we're really trying to fill in those gaps for people, and to eliminate that fear and shame that people have when there's no answer to the question that you have about your own sexuality. And you have to fill in those voids with something! And usually that's fear.

Anna: Yeah.

Myisha: Or it's like, oh, now that I've explored now, I feel terrible, because I've been told all of these things will happen to me. And so I really appreciate that you were able to separate, you know, and say, like, well, maybe my fate says this, but what does science say about just being in a body?

Anna: Yeah!

Myisha: And can I derive some confidence from that, that like, my body is doing something very natural and normal?

Anna: And then from there, I think it's, you know, learning about your own body, right? Like, what are the things that you like, what are things that make you feel good? And it's, yeah, I think it's like little baby steps into being like, a full, feeling very sexually embraced with yourself. But honestly, it comes baby steps. Like when we first started the company, my co-founder will laugh to this day, because I was like, "Don't ever make me do interviews, like I don't have to say the word clitoris or vagina like that horrifies me!" And so they always laugh because they're like, "Do you remember you used to say that?," and like, because I was already scared when we started the company and for me, it was like an eight, nine year journey to come to this place where I'm like, oh, this is what I want to try! This is what I'm interested in, all that. It takes time.

Myisha: Wow! Yeah and this is fairly recent!

Anna: Yeah! Yeah.

Myisha: Okay, so there's yeah, there's definitely an amazing arc there. And I hope that this question asker follows your path. Yeah.

Anna: Okay. My man always tries to go down on me, but I'm so nervous that I taste bad down there so I can never enjoy it. How can I get past this?

Myisha: If you're nervous that you taste weird, taste yourself!

Anna: Yeah, that's a really good one.

Myisha: You know? That's something that in my sex coach training we had to do, because it's part of this very classic sexological exercise, which is called the mirror exercise where you look at your genitalia, no matter what that is, and you do a, you know, like you said, like, kind of a deep dive of like, okay, I have this map, maybe download something off the internet that shows you the different parts, and then you identify the different parts, and then you like, taste and smell, because it's you! It's a part of you. You know, when you were younger you probably picked your nose and ate it, let's be real! Maybe you still do! Maybe you still do! [Laughter]

Anna: Not I! I'm just kidding. [Laughter]

Myisha: So I don't know, but the point is, is that like, we secrete all kinds of fluids, we're constantly like, smelling our armpits and being like, how fresh or whatever, we just don't have the confidence level to be like, I'm gonna like, you know, observe what's happening with my vulva today. And actually, it's so important for vulva havers to do that, because smell and taste changes can indicate health issues that are happening. So if you don't know and you have this terror or fear around doing that, there may be some imbalances that you're missing and not treating. And, you know, I think there's also this cultural stigma that most vulva havers fight against which is "Oh it's fishy! It's gross! It's this! It's that!," and most people that enjoy eating pussy will attest to the contrary. It's an enjoyable thing for people who like it. There are obviously people who don't for various reasons, it's not all because of the taste. So I would say to this person, just get really familiar with yourself. And that can be a really easy way to sort of break down that barrier of like, "Oh, hmm yeah!" Little salty, little, you know, umami.

Anna: Umami! [Laughter]

Myisha: You know! And then like, try later in your cycle, because it also changes with your cycle too.

Anna: Yeah! I agree with you. I think society, I always say like, it's capitalism, but like the idea of douches and why douches came, like all these fears that have been especially put into people with vulvas, is the fear of like that it should be a mystery and that you should be smelling like flowers and roses at all times of the day or whatever.

Myisha: Who wants to eat flowers?

Anna: It's wild! You know what, even deodorants like the scents are just, it's just too, they're getting too unhinged in my opinion, there's too many scents that I'm like, why would you want to smell like this? But anyways, so with like the vagina and vulva specifically it's this fear that has been put up since like the 60s, 70s. There's like crazy, if you look up ads online, you see these crazy ads that are like, oh, like cheese tastes like apricot. I don't know. It's like a douche ad or whatever. I think all of that has perpetuated to this day of giving this fear for people that it should be a mystery. So I agree with you that you should just taste it. Don't let it be a mystery to you. And also, just from this specific question, the fact that he always tries to go down on you. {Laughter] This guy loves it! Like, it's so like, he loves it! Like don't be, don't be scared, like, he loves it! So I would say like, don't worry. And then also, there's the thing of, again, like adding an element of play, like actionable items. While you guys are having sex, and he's trying to go down on you, and then you look him dead in the eyes and then you reach down with your finger and you lick your fingers. You reach down there, like like swipe a little bit of your vulva, vagina, whatever juices that are there and then just taste it, but keep eye contact. Make it a hot thing, and make it super sexy. And then now you know, and you know that it feels it tastes fine, and you can let him go down and he probably thought it was the hottest thing he's ever seen in his life. [Laughter] You added an element of fun like, I just think there's ways to continue the play and make it not a scary thing. And just make it a quick sanity check for you to feel good and can continue.

Myisha: The sex hacks, Anna! For real.

Anna: Eye contact!

Myisha: Yeah, you've got it down. You know what you're doing. [Laughter]

Anna: Thank you so much! [Laughter]

Myisha: Hair flip! Yes.

MUSIC

Myisha: All right! So that was amazing. We're going to move on to our last segment. Basically, I have three questions and they are related to sex or dating. You get to pick which one or ones you want to answer. How does that feel?

Anna: Okay, so I just choose out of the —

Myisha: Yeah, yeah.

Anna: Okay, perfect.

Myisha: All right. Here are your three choices. A. What's the wildest thing you've ever done to get a crushes attention? B. What's the best thing you've learned about yourself sexually? Or C. What's your tried and true advice for friends who are in a lousy relationship?

Anna: Oh, dang. Okay, what was the second one?

Myisha: The second one is what's the, what's the best thing you've learned about yourself sexually?

Anna: Ooh, I think the best, I'll answer that one. Um, I think the best thing I've learned about myself like sexually is just, actually no, I have a good one. Okay. So when we first were developing, like prototyping our vibrator, like all of us were trying it, and we had this whole, we needed as much data as possible of like, what the orgasm looks like, and so anyone that wanted to in the team, we basically made a Candyland board of like, as many times you masturbate and get that data, you get a sticker on the Candyland board, and whoever reaches the end would win. And I think it was like, you know, like a $10 gift card or something, some silly, and then so every morning we would come in and then like, I would put like stickers and you know, everyone's putting a sticker and I would put like three stickers. And then they'd be like, "How do you have time?," because we're like at work till 8pm, like all these things, and then as we started looking at my data, like, at the time, it used to be like, maybe like a minute and 10 seconds or something. And so everybody was like, "Your masturbation sessions only lasts like a minute and 10?," and I was like, "Yeah, isn't that common?," and again, this is one of those things that you just don't know, because you don't ask anyone. There's no research. They're like, that's really fast! And so I was like, is it? And so it was like the first moment I learned something really interesting that if I wanted to, I think I could have orgasms really fast. But I actually kind of deep dived into it of like, oh, I think it's actually because like, when I used to masturbate, when I used to live with my parents or you know, like I would do it when they're not home or when my roommates are not home, and you're just trying to really knock it out really fast. I think it's more of a forced function of like, it's not that I, I think it's just like learning exactly what works and like not really enjoying the moment of it. That was something I learned about myself that I was like, that's a really fun fact that I have.

Myisha: Well, and so when you put down three stickers, did that mean that you were like going three times because it was so quick?

Anna: Yeah, because I just had so much time.

Myisha: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anna: I'd be like, oh, I'm gonna do one before showering, after showering, before I go to sleep.

Myisha: Oh, not even in a row!

Anna: No it was just like, being like I have time! And I just realized like it actually was a moment of me being like, oh, I don't think I actually take time to like, set up the mood, or enjoy myself, or get more aroused. And so I do that now. And it's something that I've learned to like, it's not, for me, like, I'm not, the goal is not to go fast. It's to go, like, enjoy the experience of it. So it's something I learned, and I was like, that's just something that I would have never learned unless we worked on this company together. And I think it's so funny to like, that's always my fun fact. And I have the Candyland board still! As a memory.

Myisha: I love that! A little memento and reminder.

Anna: Yeah!

Myisha: Yeah, I love it! All right! Well, Anna, this has been so fun. I loved our conversation and we should go on those shit walks. [Laughter]

Anna: Yes, I know! Maybe we'll call it poof walks!

Myisha: Poof walks! Poof walks forever. Before you go, please tell our listeners where they can find you.

Anna: Okay, so our website is Lioness dot i o and then all of our company's stuff is at Lioness Health. And you can find me, mostly on Instagram, it's Anna is average and my TikTok is Anna the average. I've heard that it's a really silly thing to do from a branding perspective, to have two different handles, but I'll fix it at some point. But yeah, posting as much fun things I've learned about sex, orgasm data, what that looks like and just like little fun things that I love doing.

Myisha: Amazing. Yeah, love your videos.

Anna: Thank you so much! I appreciate it!

Myisha: All right, thanks again for coming!

Anna: Yeah, thanks for having me! This was really fun!

Myisha: And thank you for listening! Earlier this month we asked you to send in your queer stories for Pride Month. Here are some of our favorite moments.

Anon 1: So this was my first time in Los Angeles for pride. Usually I would go back to Colorado, but I was really excited to attend all of the events here because there are a lot, and in particular I really wanted to attend Dyke Day. So when the day came, me and my friends made the trip up to the park. We brought a whole bunch of snacks from a store that was like a few blocks down and once we got there it was already packed to the brim. There was like no space to sit. But one of the events at Dyke Day was the puppy parade! And it was at this puppy parade I was with my girlfriend and one of our friends. We were watching, clapping and my girlfriend suddenly goes, “Bro, my ex is right there!" and I was just like, “Where?!” and I start like looking for the ex. And she ended up being right across from us, which I thought was really funny. And I would like occasionally, like stare at her for a second just because it was like, whoa, I have never ran into a girlfriend's ex before, but I mean I guess that's part of the lesbian experience. And at the end of the puppy parade, I see her staring down at me and I was just like, there's no way!

Anon 2: I went to WeHo pride with my girlfriend. We went to go see Kesha, along with some friends, and after the event was done we were walking out of the event and we're trying to catch the Uber that my friend ordered as quickly as possible because, you know, the time was running down. So I was, you know, trying to focus on that, I was trying to catch up with my friend who was like jogging through these streets, and we're passing by a group of girls and all of a sudden I feel my girlfriend grab my arm and pull me as close to them as possible with like this angry face! And I'm like, “Whoa! What! Like what happened?!” And they're just like, “I saw some bitch at this bar while you were like trying to get into the Uber, looking at you, looking at your boobs!” And I just thought it was hilarious because it's the prime example of girlfriend who is just completely unaware and protective girlfriend.

CREDITS

Myisha: ‘How's Your Sex Life?’ is a KCRW original podcast. Our producer is Andrea Bautista. Our executive producer is Gina Delvac. This episode was mixed by Nick Lampone. Our music was created by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs. Special thanks to Women's Audio Mission, Arnie Seipel and Jennifer Ferro. And a big shout out to our voice actors! We'll let them introduce themselves on the way out.

VO 1: This is Danielle Chiriguayo. Thanks for listening.

VO 2: This is Ariana Morgenstern. See you next week for another episode of 'How's Your Sex Life?'.